Dear Biker Chick

How is it best to score with a biker chick?  Signed Nad Suburb

It's probably best when you are both satisfied afterwards, but be certain she is. If you're asking how to get her to fall in love with you, it's the same with all women: have the balls to ask her out, buy her a few drinks, tell her she looks pretty fairly often and that the scar on her face adds character, and ask to see her tattoos. You might want to listen to what she says, or at least pretend to, and then you've got her, unless you take her out to the parking lot and you drive a Kia or one of those confused mini-SUVs. 

Dear Biker Chick

That guy holding the sign is kinda cute.  Are you dating him?  Is there anyway to make his picture load faster so I don't have so much time to diddle while the page downloads?

Dear Unsigned Submitter, The guy holding the sign is Homeless John, not because he actually is homeless, but because he looks homeless. Sort of like you look to your friends using your parents' NetZero dial-up connection and complaining about speed. Thanks for the advice, anyhow. I'm not exactly a web designer, but I've got a few photos of me I've resized before, so we got the size a bit smaller for you, and all the other web surfers out there who like things small. As for Homeless John's availability. I wouldn't say we're seeing each other, but he is a good man. Submit a photo so we can post it on our web page, and John can determine if you're his type. ---> and pick up some of those cigars over there while you're at it or click on a damn google ad so I can get some new pipes on my bike.

Sunday, September 18, 2016 19592
Nearly defining irony, the top-rated response to Americans viewing the Corey Feldman song performance in September of 2016 was, "I thought he was dead." Obviously, the second response, and the one that has become the focus of social media, was, "That was weird." While it is possible Corey Feldman died of an overdose or gross neglect in the late 2000's or early 2010's, a quick search of the internet seems to have proven that Feldman did not die. It's also not likely that his death was covered up in order to make a posthumous release of his album, which was dedicated to two of his dead friends, Corey Haim and Michael Jackson. "I was not dead for the past ten years," says Feldman. "I was just dedicating my life to my music." Unfortunately for Feldman, critics and fans have unanimously declared the album to be horrible. Said one critic, "I thought he was dead before the songs were released, and now I kind of wish he had been. The album is kind of like Eddie Murphy's 80s attempt at music, just without the one hit to make it somewhat meaningful. But that makes it a perfect dedication to Corey Haim."
Wednesday, July 25, 2007 14822
Waterloo high school students have begun getting stoned instead of going to games on Friday nights. In light of all the regulations put down by the WIAA, students have decided their time was better suited “taking hits” from the bong instead of cheering their peers on the court. Kevin Valtrop told the local paper, “I’m just sick of going to the game and being told by the administration to be mindful of the opposing team’s feelings when we cheer.” Kevin could not understand why the cheer, “He grabbed our ball and touched my sac” was not appropriate for a group of hormone-raging teens to chant. The students are fed up and are staging a protest of Weedstock proportions.

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