Dear Biker Chick

How is it best to score with a biker chick?  Signed Nad Suburb

It's probably best when you are both satisfied afterwards, but be certain she is. If you're asking how to get her to fall in love with you, it's the same with all women: have the balls to ask her out, buy her a few drinks, tell her she looks pretty fairly often and that the scar on her face adds character, and ask to see her tattoos. You might want to listen to what she says, or at least pretend to, and then you've got her, unless you take her out to the parking lot and you drive a Kia or one of those confused mini-SUVs. 

Dear Biker Chick

That guy holding the sign is kinda cute.  Are you dating him?  Is there anyway to make his picture load faster so I don't have so much time to diddle while the page downloads?

Dear Unsigned Submitter, The guy holding the sign is Homeless John, not because he actually is homeless, but because he looks homeless. Sort of like you look to your friends using your parents' NetZero dial-up connection and complaining about speed. Thanks for the advice, anyhow. I'm not exactly a web designer, but I've got a few photos of me I've resized before, so we got the size a bit smaller for you, and all the other web surfers out there who like things small. As for Homeless John's availability. I wouldn't say we're seeing each other, but he is a good man. Submit a photo so we can post it on our web page, and John can determine if you're his type. ---> and pick up some of those cigars over there while you're at it or click on a damn google ad so I can get some new pipes on my bike.

Wednesday, January 04, 2006 4567
AP— Menomonee Falls, Wisconsin will join the bidding war to host the 2012 Summer Olympics next year, according to sources familiar with local village politics. The unlikely bid will come from Wisconsin’s Largest Village, which would also become the largest village ever to host the Olympics. Menomonee Falls officials welcome the challenge to out-bid cities such as Chicago, Baltimore, and Philadelphia. International challengers include Rio de Janeiro, Madrid, Moscow, and Rotterdam. When asked about the chances of a village hosting the Summer Games, one local official said, “Some of those cities aren’t even in the United States, and the ones in this country have much higher crime rates. Is Rotterdam in Switzerland?” The Village claims that its two swimming pools in the junior high and high school will be the centerpiece of the bid. “Name me one other village in Wisconsin with two indoor pools,” quipped an anonymous village resident. The track and tennis courts are said to be in “fine” condition, as well. Local schools will be turned into dormitories, and the high school has been slated to house the Eastern European teams because they would be “used to the conditions,” according to a source at the high school.
Thursday, September 27, 2007 4890
A laptop computer and digital camera valued at over $2,000 were stolen Sept. 11 when two men entered an unsecured off-campus residence in the 900 block of N. 17th St., saying they were undercover detectives looking for a suspect. They told the students to go into their bedrooms so the "detectives" could look for him. One student asked the men for identification at least two times. The students went into their bedrooms, and when they came out they found the items missing.

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