V100.7 Jams, #1 for hip hop and R&B, formerly known as the people’s station, ran out of programming for its “All Hip Hop Holiday” promotion. The official word is that V100 decided against only playing holiday music for the month of December because “It ain’t true to the spirit of the station, though we all love Christmas jams.” Anonymous sources, however, indicate the ill-conceived plan did not take into consideration the complete lack of hip hop Christmas material.

“Christmas in Hollis” by Run DMC is the standby Christmas song for hip hop listeners, but the lofty goal set by V100 was to showcase the limitless range of abilities and themes exhibited by hip hop artists. Unfortunately, this range does not normally extend to Christmas albums. In fact, only a handful of hip hop Christmas albums have ever been released, including Christmas Rap (1987), A Very Special Christmas (1987), Christmas on Death Row (1996), Gift Rap (2004), and Jim Jones - A Dipset Christmas (2006). Actually, A Very Special Christmas was not even a rap album—in fact, it’s a Special Olympics fundraiser featuring only Run DMC. And Gift Rap is as much gospel as true rap. Basically, V100 played the four albums with actual rap Christmas songs, and then the DJ panicked, since their library did not include any other Christmas rap jams, so he played the rest of the A Very Special Christmas album, and listeners were forced to listen to Christmas songs by U2 and Madonna (not THE Christmas Madonna, but the old slutty one).

The station manager pulled the plug halfway through “I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus” by John Cougar Mellencamp, and the station’s rep was saved by a jam from Young Jeezy. Later, the DJ is quoted as saying, “If I worked at a country music channel, I’d have two Christmas albums from every hillbilly artist to choose from.” (This statement has been fact-checked, and is true.) Someday, more rap artists may follow the inspired lead of Jim Jones, who said, "I wanted to make a Christmas album for kids in the hood and shit like that.” Wow, more heartfelt words have never been spoken, Mr. Jones. For now, however, people who enjoy rap and like chillin at Christmas will have to listen to mostly oldies but goodies, which are, of course, still off the hook like Donald Rumsfeld.

Thursday, September 11, 2014 3467
Doc just doesn’t understand! JT’s my son, for heaven’s sake! Why shouldn’t I tell my best friend? So what if he’s going to marry Hope this week. That’s my son, not that evil Stefano’s. My little spermies swam up Princess Gina’s fallopian tube, and Goddamnit I deserve to be recognized! So what if she was really Hope and not Princess Gina, he’s still my son. Personally, I just think Doc’s jealous because she can never have babies again, ever since she was possessed by the Devil. Actually, I’m starting to wonder why I was a priest who ended up with a shrink who was possessed. But I’m no priest now. Amen to that! You’ve got to admit that Princess Gina, I mean Hope, is some hot stuff. Yummy! Did anyone else notice she got a tit job? Well, I sure did. Anyhow, I plan on screwing up that wedding if I don’t get my way, so just you watch and see.
Wednesday, July 25, 2007 11032
For the past several years, SLM Corporation, better known by its flowery fresh moniker Sallie Mae, has been the subject of increasing negativism. Anti-capitalist Chinese red commi sympathizers, from our very own sea to shining sea, have made complaints about sweet Sallie being less than nice in her lending practices. As a result, whiny sniveling college student mush brains and recent college graduates feeling sorry for themselves because they have to get a job have taken their accusations to the street.

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