A chemical that causes cancer in California (PCB) is responsible for the closing of numerous Milwaukee area playing fields, most of which are used by active adults as precursors to drinking and possible relations with the opposite sex. Because of the closings, local ath-elites may need to find new ways to sneak away from their families or have a legitimate reason to drink excessively.

Local Ath-elites Compete in Grueling Kick-the-ball Match

The fields that have been closed include many of the MPS playing fields, as well as fields at other parks that used the sewerage-based fertilizer to help green-up the grass. Some of the county-run parks are safe because they haven't seen fertilzer for six years, but many of the fields where local ath-elites spend their evenings and weekends are all but useless because the levels of PCBs exceed the national allowable amounts, and nobody wants to catch PCB disease.

Some leagues are still scheduling games and hope to play on playgrounds or in backyards. "I paid $35 to play kickball this summer, and there's no way anyone's gonna take that away from me," said Matthew, a devout kickball player. Others who play kickball and softball have echoed this response, often noting that this is the only opportunity all week for the players to escape their mundane lives with their families, and go run around a field before sitting in a bar.

Active ImageWhile players are encouraged to call their coaches to find out if games or after-drinking have been cacelled, no doubt the fighting spirit of Milwaukeeans will help to fix the problem. One bar patron, visibly upset that his co-ed softball game was cancelled, said, "I'll drink a whole case of PCB water, just to prove it's serfectly pafe, just like this booze!" Hopefully the situation can be resolved before bored ath-elites take to drinking contests and their own sausage races around neighborhoods.

Monday, August 09, 2004 9569
Mitt Romney purchases election; has money left over for new yacht.
Thursday, January 03, 2008 5127
Dear Biker Chick Recently my boyfriend tried to stick his brat between my buns. I was not too happy as he didn't even ask and there wasn't enough space between the buns to get that meat in there, if you know what I mean. Also, it was a dry sandwhich which complicated things. Anyway, I bucked him like a bike with too much weight to the back on a quick start and knocked him off the bed. Now he's mad at me even though I'm willing to give it another try. What should I do to get him back in the saddle? Signed Dirt Rhoda Well Dirt, you did the right thing showing him who the boss is. It's one thing to take liberties when you're somewhat expecting it, butt a surprise attack on the rear flank during a dry spell is ruthless. Let him know how you feel by grabbing his brat again and dragging him back to the bedroom by it. Make sure there is ample lubrication for your chassis on the bedstand and tell him to take off his pants. Now here's where you have a decision to make. You can either nibble on this brat a little and with a wet finger play with his inner buns to help him understand the proper mechanics, or you can just stick your buns up in the air and hope he figures it out. I'd recommend the former as most men aren't smart enough or patient enough to figure it out without a little demonstartion first. Also, putting the brat in your mouth a bit will make him forgive and forget anything he's irritated with you for, even though he clearly deserved being bucked.

Donate to Scott Walker Without a Trace

Donate using PayPal
Amount:
Note:
and

Designed by Passive Ninja