Videotaped Confession Trounces RumorsWhile he may look great in an expensive suit, Herb Kohl finally admitted Tuesday that he is, in fact, straight. This revelation may come as a surprise to the homosexual community and the Shepherd Express, but actual footage of the senator admitting his orientation can be seen as well in some older Milwaukee Bucks video footage obtained by Real Wisconsin News. In the footage, Big Dog Glenn Robinson asks Senator Kohl if he’d like a sip of his Kool Aide, and Senator Kohl clearly states, “No thanks, Dog. I’m straight.” Big Dog seems to answer with, “I gotcha, big man.

”Senator Kohl has placed himself firmly back in the closet with the “I’m straight” admission, and has never made any statements to negate this evidence. In fact, back in 1993, Senator Kohl proclaimed that he was neither a gay man nor a lesbian, which only leaves straight man or straight woman as his options.Rumors about Kohl's flirtations are also baseless. Men and women alike were turned on by Don Nelson yelling at players and ruggedly conducting a tractor around the state, so we cannot come to any conclusions based on Kohl's rumored crush. There simply is no body of evidence to suggest that Senator Herb Kohl does not get completely turned on by Energee, the Milwaukee Bucks dance team, just like the rest of us, men and women alike.   

 

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Nearly News: Satire Stories Seeking Significance 2006-2014

Tuesday, September 25, 2007 12436
American corporation Halliburton received an unprecedented two nominations for Nobel Prizes this year. Halliburton received nominations for the Nobel Prize in Economics, as well as, the Nobel Peace Prize. Said the nominator who requested to remain anonymous, and just be known as Richard, "Is there any doubt that this company has done more to secure world peace than any other? And, they did it with a perfect business model that should be a lesson to all future corporate executives. That's why our board, excuse me, group, nominated Halliburton for two Nobel Prizes."
Saturday, June 02, 2007 5849
Milwaukee news may not have anything funnier than Michael McGee Jr., and it would be a shame for such a dynamic personality to rot away in jail, so Real Wisconsin News has pledged a "Mequon Match" for raising McGee's bail money of $100,000. McGee has asked his radio listeners to donate bail money to release him, and Real Wisconsin News will match, dollar for dollar , money sent in from private citizens residing in Mequon. Show Alderman McGee your support for his fight against anemic lawyers who don't believe in the old-fashioned ballot-or-bullet corruption-laden Milwaukee politics. McGee, who may have paid $5 per vote in his recall election, has asked for $100 from each of his supporters, which would represent an excellent campaign investment, and we hope it all works out so that we can enjoy his antics for years to come. Remember Mequon, Michael McGee Jr. is counting on you! The fund is at $569 and growing.

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