Suspected Sallie Mae FounderFor the past several years, SLM Corporation, better known by its flowery fresh moniker Sallie Mae, has been the subject of increasing negativism. Anti-capitalist Chinese red commi sympathizers, from our very own sea to shining sea, have made complaints about sweet Sallie being less than nice in her lending practices. As a result, whiny sniveling college student mush brains and recent college graduates feeling sorry for themselves because they have to get a job have taken their accusations to the street.

Said Tom Miniore, a recent UW-Milwaukee graduate, after another night of getting snubbed on Brady Street commented, “Ohhhhh, that Sallie Mae is a mean bitch!”

This PRO-capitalist, PRO-American media mind thinks that Sallie is one of the sweetest most consumer friendly corporate citizens to ever grace our sacred land. She stands right next to the misunderstood Enron, labor friend Walmart, enviromentalist company Exxon and altruistic Halliburton in the pantheon of great American companies. Shameless self-motivated puppets of the far-left pro-education movement accuse Sallie Mae of all sorts of preposterous malfeasances and even outright fraud. Constantly complaining about lost and not received paperwork. Then griping about fines and fees imposed when the not received paperwork isn’t processed. Sallie points out that the problems lie with the U.S. Post Office, malfunctioning fax machines and email servers. She also reiterates that the fees could have been avoided if the forms and paperwork has just been in on time. Another complaint falls in the realm of the completely absurd. Loan takers suggest that Sallie’s unwillingness to work with borrowers is due to a conflict of interest. They imply that since Sallie has entered the collections business her actions have become more predatory. That’s silly talk. Sallie has maintained the same level of predation for years. She’s just now found more effective methods of revenue generation. When you consider that interest is all Sallie wants how could she be accused of a confict of interest. Poor, poor Sallie, I weep for you.

Many people also have the gall to point out that the “one consolidation and one consolidation only rule” has been very unfair to borrowers who have been unable to take advantage of falling interest rates. They imply that Sallie uses her multi-million dollar lobby to harm citizens in order to preserve a rule that would in any other circumstances be illegal under consumer protection laws. They cry that HR-2505, which would allow borrowers to refinance at prevailing lower interest rates, somehow keeps failing to reach the votes necessary in the Congress to relieve some of the pressure on their young lives. Folks, take it up with your Senator, Sallie is just a company. Companies don’t run the United States.

Ingrate hippies also point to some sort of irony now that Sallie offers mortgage refinancing yet still refuses to re-consolidate already consolidated federally insured student loans. Frankly, I fail to see their point. Why on earth would Sallie Mae refinance a federally insured loan to a better interest rate, when she can have people collateralize the loan with their houses at a higher interest rate when they run out of forbearance? It’s just common business sense people. Through it all, our dear Sallie Mae has not wavered. This bastion of American capitalism has gallantly stood up to the criticism by continuing to pursue her altruistic business strategy of giving young adults all the tools of leveraging their future earnings at above market interest rates. So though some so-called ethicists question Sallie’s methods, who can dispute this fact? And really, why do “ethicists” exist, anyhow? Think about it, the market will dictate ethics, just as it dictates foreign and domestic policy.Sallie Mae now administers more than a $140 billion in student loan debt. Debt that is necessary to promote the common good of our great nation.

Friday, September 07, 2007 5108
I went to the Walworth County Fair last weekend and stepped in cow crap, which made it similar to the Wisconsin State Fair. The harness racing was cool, made forty bucks on the kids around me betting on the wrong horse, couldn't believe they didn't know the one that pooped last would win. The stand with Strawberry Milk ran out, which made me yearn for Senator Kohl's milk at the Wisconsin State Fair , uh, strike that, I don't "yearn" for Senator Kohl. I won Packer tickets in a fundraiser auction at better than an ebay price, but couldn't afford the giant carving of a beaver made out of some million year old tree stump which understandably went for $800. My kids had a great time spending my money on games nobody on earth can win. Why did the carnival helpers think my name was Mark? And why did they smell like cabbage? Relearned that farmer's daughters are hot no matter what.
Wednesday, May 06, 2015 8059
The new Nashotah Art Zeitgeist Institute will open Friday to provide the nearly 1500 residents of this village an opportunity to experience art in their own backyards. “We’re tired of having to drive to Milwaukee and pay for parking,” village resident Gina Povlofski said. “Now we’ll have our own art museum to compete with the one in Milwaukee. It’s really a win/win situation for us to have our own institute of fine arts.” The Institute will house art from local Waukesha County artists and will focus entirely on realism. Bob Heinman, president of the board of directors, explained, “Realism is the only art we should appreciate because it captures what we see and doesn’t try to fool us or persuade us.” The Nashotah Art Zeitgeist Institute will also not use any art from other countries because, according to Heinman, there is enough talent in Wisconsin, and foreigners really do not have much to add. He added that Molly Mulroony of Delafield has submitted a charcoal drawing depicting the Irish immigration experience, and will be highlighted as the foreign and minority piece at the institute. According to Heinman, the goal of the Nashotah Art Zeitgeist Institute is to allow people to appreciate good wholesome art in the suburban environment, without having to wait in long lines or be afflicted by depictions of violence or nudity. “Sure, we’ll have a hunter and his kill in a good number of the paintings, but nothing gratuitous,” said Heinman. “Death is part of nature, but depicting revolutions with blood splattering, or poverty-stricken children, is just too much. And sex; don’t even get me started on sex! There’s nothing artistic about a naked woman, and my wife agrees.” At the grand opening, residents are invited to bring any of their “pointless” art to the Nashotah Art Zeitgeist Institute Party Burn-a-thon, during which people will be allowed to throw their “avant-garde, new-age crap” onto a bonfire to raise money to buy artwork for the institute. All white male Christians and their spouses are welcome. Cheese and crackers will be served.

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