Said Tom Miniore, a recent UW-Milwaukee graduate, after another night of getting snubbed on Brady Street commented, “Ohhhhh, that Sallie Mae is a mean bitch!”

This PRO-capitalist, PRO-American media mind thinks that Sallie is one of the sweetest most consumer friendly corporate citizens to ever grace our sacred land. She stands right next to the misunderstood Enron, labor friend Walmart, enviromentalist company Exxon and altruistic Halliburton in the pantheon of great American companies. Shameless self-motivated puppets of the far-left pro-education movement accuse Sallie Mae of all sorts of preposterous malfeasances and even outright fraud. Constantly complaining about lost and not received paperwork. Then griping about fines and fees imposed when the not received paperwork isn’t processed. Sallie points out that the problems lie with the U.S. Post Office, malfunctioning fax machines and email servers. She also reiterates that the fees could have been avoided if the forms and paperwork has just been in on time. Another complaint falls in the realm of the completely absurd. Loan takers suggest that Sallie’s unwillingness to work with borrowers is due to a conflict of interest. They imply that since Sallie has entered the collections business her actions have become more predatory. That’s silly talk. Sallie has maintained the same level of predation for years. She’s just now found more effective methods of revenue generation. When you consider that interest is all Sallie wants how could she be accused of a confict of interest. Poor, poor Sallie, I weep for you.

Many people also have the gall to point out that the “one consolidation and one consolidation only rule” has been very unfair to borrowers who have been unable to take advantage of falling interest rates. They imply that Sallie uses her multi-million dollar lobby to harm citizens in order to preserve a rule that would in any other circumstances be illegal under consumer protection laws. They cry that HR-2505, which would allow borrowers to refinance at prevailing lower interest rates, somehow keeps failing to reach the votes necessary in the Congress to relieve some of the pressure on their young lives. Folks, take it up with your Senator, Sallie is just a company. Companies don’t run the United States.

Ingrate hippies also point to some sort of irony now that Sallie offers mortgage refinancing yet still refuses to re-consolidate already consolidated federally insured student loans. Frankly, I fail to see their point. Why on earth would Sallie Mae refinance a federally insured loan to a better interest rate, when she can have people collateralize the loan with their houses at a higher interest rate when they run out of forbearance? It’s just common business sense people. Through it all, our dear Sallie Mae has not wavered. This bastion of American capitalism has gallantly stood up to the criticism by continuing to pursue her altruistic business strategy of giving young adults all the tools of leveraging their future earnings at above market interest rates. So though some so-called ethicists question Sallie’s methods, who can dispute this fact? And really, why do “ethicists” exist, anyhow? Think about it, the market will dictate ethics, just as it dictates foreign and domestic policy.Sallie Mae now administers more than a $140 billion in student loan debt. Debt that is necessary to promote the common good of our great nation.