beckham

I was watching BBC News today because I’m a cultured man and my programs weren't coming in on the antenna, and I heard about this football player from over there who’s going to play for Los Angeles’s new football team, the Galaxy. His name is Daniel or David Beckham, and he must be really good. For me, an avid football fan, to never have heard of this guy just goes to show that Euro-NFL has not exactly taken off. I had no idea than an unproven 31 year-old could sign with a football team for nearly $50 million a year.

I don’t know if the L.A. team is an expansion team or what, but I’m glad L.A. was able to acquire an NFL team because a tough blue-collar town like L.A. needs a pro football team. I just hope this Beckham character knows how to play whatever it is he plays. The news called him a midfielder, and I haven’t played high school football in a few decades, but we never had any of them. Halfback, fullback, quarterback—those I understand. I suppose a midfielder is a defender who runs around behind the real men (linebackers). Back in my time, we used to call them safeties, but I can’t get too upset about change. Like the DH, don’t even get me started on that!

Back in my time, had I wanted to play professional football, I might have made as much as a teacher or janitor. Now, a fella like Beckham will make as much as 1000 well-paid teachers, or 2000 janitors, or 3000 fast food employees. Well, all I can say is, at least you know where you stand with football players, unlike people with real college degrees who always think they’re so smart. If you were so smart, college boy, you’d be making $50,000,000! Smoke that in your pipe, professor!

I also heard on the news broadcast the young man is married to a spice girl. I’m not sure if that means she sorts and grounds spices, or perhaps she sells them in a nice little spice shop. Either way, I suppose she can stay at home and give Mr. Beckham a few sons instead of working on her own career now. I look forward to seeing how the European style of football translates to my favorite sport, and I hope the Pack plays the Galaxy next year.

Friday, May 01, 2015 20017
from 2008, lost in the bin Now that the 2008 Presidential Election is at an end, the GOP has released several ideas to help the process in the future, from which President Bush will make an executive order before the end of his term. The changes will include loosening all limits on campaign financing, ending the use of affirmative action to elect officials, and a restructuring of the electorate based on county physical size. Everyone knows that McCain was the co-sponsor of something about campaign finance with Russ “Do I look too liberal in these pants?” Feingold, and that’s why he lost the election. McCain decided to adhere to his own ideals, while Obama went ahead and spent money like a Republican at war, or at a brothel in Taipei. Most analysts believe that Obama bought the election in some key states, and though he may have won the election regardless of spending, he did win the election and did spend more. Therefore, the GOP wants all limits on spending lifted so that the richest 5% of the country (minus Hollywood stars) can once again fully-fund the GOP machine. “We want people who are rich and will get richer under a Republican to wield their wealth like a weapon,” said a senior GOP leader with obvious talent in alliteration. “They didn’t work this hard to get outspent by a few thousand of their employees on Facebook.” The campaign finance portion will also allow for a half of all tithes given to “Christian Coalition” churches to be donated directly to candidates. “God would want it that way,” said Bush of this measure. The often overlooked side-note to the 2008 election was Obama’s use of Affirmative Action to get elected as the nation’s first minority president. Just like many other colleges, the Electoral College has special rules for helping achieve a goal of diversification among the presidents it elects. While the algorithm used is a secret, the general idea is that each vote for Obama was counted as more than the one vote it normally would represent. This is done in order to make up for the under-representation of minorities throughout employment, education, and business. Since the federal government is an equal-opportunity employer and uses quotas to fill its jobs, the presidency was due for a meeting of this quota. The addition of Sarah Palin was meant to offset some of the effect, but a white woman is not worth as much as a black man when it comes to filling quotas. (Had McCain chosen an American Indian woman with a disability, he would have won, given the final vote count.) In addition, Obama will receive free room and board as president, as well as a free meal plan. Obama will also receive extra help in learning how to behave as president, classes President Bush claims he was not offered. Bush added this analysis: “I was left to figure it all out for myself, but the next president will get government assistance, and that’s just not fair.” The final tallies for votes showed that Obama won the popular vote by 7%, while he won more than double the electoral votes. This statistic confounds President Bush, as many statistics tend to do. So when Bush looked at the election map by county, he was even more upset. “The map I saw didn’t even have Alaska, which is big, and McCain won 80% of the counties on the map,” said Bush. “The land in the red counties represents tax-paying individuals and corporations that are not represented at the level at which they own a percentage of the country. I own 1/115,000 th of Texas, and that’s just with my little ranch of 1500 acres. Why should my county count less than, say Houston, just because a lot less people live here? My ranch is big and I pay taxes on every acre. And corporations should count as people, too, because they make decisions for people. If people’s votes were counted based on acres and businesses rather than based on people, then the president would be elected based on American principles of hard work and inheritance rather than dependence on public assistance. And remember, a low voter turnout is an indication of fewer people going to the polls.”
Thursday, August 02, 2007 9021
Children are very impressionable, which is why corporate America is producing programs such as Lil’ Einsteins that promote capitalism, fear, and the status quo instead of a progressive ideal that is natural to children. Children should be safe from television shows that force such concepts as racism, waste, objectivity of women, and patriarchy, but with Lil’ Einsteins, none of us are safe.

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