Bradford Beach will soon have to compete with a new beach with similar levels of human feces in the water. The city of West Allis will open the Honey Creek Beach that will replace the failing county-run swimming pools, and allow citizens to bask in the peace and solitude found only near sewage-tainted waters. A recent study conducted by the Milwaukee Metropolitan Sewerage District has found that an unexpected level of human feces routinely flows through the Honey Creek, likely resulting from bad sewer pipes, but the levels are not unlike those seen at Milwaukee’s favorite summer lakefront beach, so West Allis officials plan on going ahead with their plans to create the Honey Creek Beach in State Fair Park.

Currently, the creek runs through underground culverts under State Fair Park, but the plan is to dam the water in the fair’s parking lot, and create an aesthetically pleasing concrete beach around the new lagoon. Some local residents have suggested the lagoon may be more of a cesspool, but they were told that to limit human feces in the creek may cost up to $12,000 per household to add new sewer pipes, and little protest has been voiced since.A press release from the city of West Allis states, “The city wants to create a new destination for State Fair Park, since the ice rink and expo center have been complete disasters. The only thing on the grounds that has made any money is the RV park, and this will provide beachfront property for those people living out of their RVs.” In fact, one city planner has suggested a Honey Creek Beach Trailer Park for the remainder of State Fair’s only parking lot.

Neighborhood citizens who charge up to $25 tax-free to park State Fair patrons in their front lawns are excited about the loss of more parking spaces on State Fair grounds. Former state senator Tom Reynolds welcomes the decreased parking lot size so that he can collect more money for parking at his residence on 94th and Schlinger. “I may have lost my bid for re-election,” he stated in an interview, “but I can make big money if there’s no parking lot at State Fair. I’ll apply any money I make to my upcoming bid for the Presidency.”While not all West Allis residents are aspiring as high as Reynolds, the new beach is seen as a good way to keep kids off the streets and close money-draining local pools. One Reynolds caliber idea is to relocate the Cool Waters slides from Greenfield Park to the new beach and rent wetsuits to beachgoers so that they can avoid side effects such as dysentery from the water itself. Excitement is growing in West Allis for this project because it is a land-locked inner-ring suburb with no natural beaches of its own. Local businesses see the project as an opportunity to tout West Allis as a leading community in the region, and move beyond the blue-collar bar-on-every-streetcorner stereotype that has plagued the city since its inception in the early 1900s.

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Wednesday, February 11, 2015 7976
While nobody really knows or cares what either The Magna Carta or The Wisconsin Idea say, both documents mean a lot to people. In fact, a tattered version of the Magna Carta, circa 1200, was found right around the same time Scott Walker was busy rewriting The Wisconsin Idea, and that old piece of English paper will probably sell for millions of dollars (though not as much as the $21 million one sold for in 2007 or 1/14th of the amount being cut from the UW-system for those keeping score). However, besides saying the King is also subject to the laws of the land, do you know what the Magna Carta really says? Yep, that's the right answer. It doesn't really matter, partially because it's not our king and not our land. Additionally, did a large portion of the people in Wisconsin know what The Wisconsin Idea really said and how it was being changed, or why it even mattered? Nope. Do UW-system students learn it like a fight song? Do they learn fight songs? According to THE authoritative Yahoo Answers, The Wisconsin idea, at least partially said this: "The boundaries of the University are the boundaries of the state." It also likely added Progressive mumbo-jumbo from some time in history called The Progressive Era, but that's probably not ringing any bells for you, either. Real Wisconsin News's definition of Progressive is a Socialist who is smart enough to call himself something else, like Obama. Scott Walker, looking to demonstrate his ability to bring both sides of the aisle together, was simply trying to update the beloved document. You know, freshen it up, like how Act 10 and Right to Work freshen up the workplace. Real Wisconsin News has been allowed to see the edits of the wording of The Wisconsin Idea as it was planned to occur over the next four years. While Walker's staff also had newly discovered photos of Bob LaFollette and a Russian call-girl, the main body of work dealt with the nearly meaningless Wisconsin Idea catchphrase--"The boundaries of the University are the boundaries of the state. Basic to every purpose of the system is the search for truth to extend knowledge and its application beyond the boundaries of its campuses." Or something mostly like that. Year one. The plan was to slightly change the wording to better reflect an academic mission for the UW schools: "The boundaries of the University are the boundaries of the state. Basic to every purpose of the system is the readying of students for the workforce beyond the boundaries of the campuses." Year two . The idea in year two was to remind UW-system employees of their place. "The boundaries of the University are the buildings in which the University is housed. Basic to every purpose of the system is the readying of students for the workforce beyond the boundaries of the campuses." Year three. "The University must improve based on a continuous improvement business model. Basic to every purpose of the system is the readying of students for the workforce in the private sector." Year four. "The state will improve the University using metrics based on a continuous improvement business model. The private sector businesses will decide how the readying of students for the workforce shall occur." When asked if his edits were a bit Orwellian, Walker said, "While I have seen parts of Citizen Kane because a high school film teacher made me watch it, I relate much better to Forrest Gump for some reason."
Monday, September 24, 2007 15111
While other auto manufacturers waiver in their support of the war in Iraq, Jeep maintains its support with its 2008 lineup of vehicles. Jeep’s homepage depicts all of its vehicles in a Middle-Eastern desert setting, along with a shovel and pail. The caption reads, “Have fun out there.” Other automobile web pages focus on American roads and fuel efficiency, whereas the Jeep site infers that we should go out there and commandeer our own oil.

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