Parents today are faced with a choice—allow your kids to figure things out for themselves, or control their every move. If parents allow kids to be on their own, this freedom will result in pregnancy, drug addiction, and jail time. While some parents are comfortable with allowing their children to become hoodlums, most of us want to be in complete control of our children’s lives, and here’s your guide to taking action.

Lock Them Up! The first and most important step in controlling kids is to simply lock them up. While this may seem a bit drastic, thousands of years of practice has indicated that it does indeed work. You just need to find a room with a strong lock (or install one) and no windows. Attics, closets, or basements work well for this purpose. Some parents may add a dog kennel or a leash/chain for added peace of mind, but a hefty door lock and a keen sense of hearing should suffice. If any windows do exist in your child’s room, simply nail them shut, as most troubled children lack the ability or motivation to use simple tools to escape. Some parents may add motion or touch sensors, or even video surveillance, but a well-locked room is much more cost effective and less detrimental to the resale value of your home.

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Friday, April 18, 2008 18264
Doctors Without Borders to be renamed Doctors Without Porsches to more accurately reflect their mission. no real article, but the best are here
Tuesday, July 24, 2007 5891
American Dreaming With Dan Brubus Capitalism always wins. Pure and simple. America developed the F-14 Tomcat over many years. It was used to keep the world safe, but now it’s time to sell the leftovers to the highest bidder. Yes, the highest bidder does happen to be on my short list of countries I’d like to see blown up by next year, but we can benefit from their desire to bolster their military before we crush them. We should sell F-14 Tomcats to Iran because we have the greatest military on earth and our treasury could use the cash to help fund the war on terror.

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