Though some in the yellow press like to proclaim radium as a substance to be fearful of, especially in drinking water, Real Wisconsin News has learned that radium has been used to treat warts, nosebleeds, arthritis, infertility, and, yes, cancer. In fact, back when Marie Curie discovered radium, doctors everywhere proclaimed it as a cure-all, but when a small majority of those doctors met untimely ends, some people denied the true healing nature of radium. Waukesha County, however, still believes.

Various public and private water sources in Waukesha, Delafield, and Pewaukee have tested positive to abnormally high amounts of radium in their water, and it appears that citizens there will benefit from pure luck and be able to drink and cook with waters blessed with the healing hand of radiation. Radium is simply another great development from the early 20th Century that has received a bum rap over the years, like lead paint, asbestos, filter cigarettes, and women’s suffrage. In fact, communities in Waukesha County could re-introduce the world to products like Radithor, a pre-mixed radium water cure.

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Saturday, January 14, 2012 20425
Aldous Hiter, a long time Washington County resident, will run for a position as a county supervisor in the upcoming election. His hopes are that, despite his name bearing a resemblance to Aldoph Hitler, he will be elected nonetheless, since he plans on running as a Republican. Hiter said, "I heard that even Adolph Hitler could win in Washington county if he had an "R" before his name, so I figured I'd give it a shot. In most places, people look twice at my name and get a little uncomfortable before they pronounce it, but generally not in this county."
Saturday, February 19, 2011 24959
Since the 14 Wisconsin state senators have skipped town for Rockford, Republicans have been planning ways to get them back. They finally have a plan, and it ironically enough involves a train: a ho-train. Since the democratic senators miss Madison, they've apparently been visiting the State Street Station Dancers in Rockford at least once a day. Republican operatives have penetrated deep on the inside, and have apparently enticed some of the girls to work in conjunction with Wisconsin State Patrol to bring at least one senator back in time for a quickie vote.

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