In an effort to reclaim their good name, members of the ancient Vandal tribal group have sued the major news outlets for libel and defamation of character. “Just because our ancestors sacked Rome doesn’t mean we’re uncivilized today,” said Ulteric (no last name given). “And besides,” he continued, “all we did was pillage. It’s not like we spray painted ‘Pink Floyd Rules!’ on their frickin aqueducts.”

Ulteric’s assessment of his tribe’s sacking of Rome seems to hold up with historic evidence, which suggests the Vandals were only interested in booty while in Rome, similar to American male business travelers today. “We didn’t rape and we didn’t burn the place down. Jeesh, it’s not like we acted like the Romans… and we were in Rome, so we could have.” Ulteric and other members of the Vandal Anti-Defamatory Expression Regulators have filed lawsuits against all of the major media players, including the large media conglomerate that owns this news outlet.

Wednesday, July 25, 2007 5876
Everyone deals with tragedy differently, and Michael McGee Sr. has demonstrated that in his effort to console Charlie Sykes on the death of his mother, Katherine Sykes. “Mother Sykes, she dead,” said McGee, implying that he too was grieving for his own ‘mother,’ who must be very proud of her son if she is living. McGee goes on to comfort using religion: “To me it's the vengeance of God.” Yes, we all must answer to God eventually, and Mr. McGee calls our attention to that fact. “I ain't got no tears,” McGee said, obviously too stunned to cry. We’ve all been there.
Wednesday, July 25, 2007 38006
Art Critiques by Rainbow Meadows A man from Pewaukee was arrested April 4th for his new performance art exhibit at the Milwaukee Art Museum. Art critics have said that the form of performance art, known as artisto destructo and utilized by such well-known artists as John Cage and Yoko Ono, is little more than someone who is not artistic interacting with art. The piece at the Milwaukee Art Museum, however, involved a man called “Pewaukee Man” ripping down "The Triumph of David" by Ottavio Vannini and putting his foot through the painting, valued at $300,000. Pewaukee Man’s work, entitled “David and Goliath’s Goliath” was no mere angry tirade, but a work of performance art that may turn the art world upside down.

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