Mayfair riot

A large number of mostly African-American youths gathered across the street from Mayfair Mall recently in order to protest the new rules at the mall, and to scare anyone who ventured too close to their “gang.” The mall has vowed to keep youngsters out of the mall because of increased crime when they are allowed in, but the protesters have deemed the rules as unnecessary. “What the mall needs to do is hire folks from the community to help control the children,” said one youth counselor. “Those kids trust us more than some cracka-ass security guard.”

Some of the youth held signs that read “Being young is not a crime,” while others made aggressive gestures with their hands at cars that drove by. At one point, a protester yelled, “Yeah, go into the mall with your mama!” at an SUV that was turning into the mall parking lot. After nearly an hour of protesting, a small contingent began a rap-battle, wherein youngsters lamented their not being allowed to congregate in the mall: “Yeah, yeah, I said the man got me down, the man got me down/ he think I be all clownin around/ like they gotsta mace me/ when I’s shoppin at Macy’s/ lookin fo my gat, lookin fo my gat/ Mr. Officer don’t know where it at/ so don’t mean-mug me, don’t gimme no smack/ or I’ll cap yo ass outside Janie and Jack./ And now it’s time to let us in, bitch/ Gotta get me some Abercrombie and Fitch.”

When the cameras from the local news outlets showed up, the youths who were gathered around the rap battlers all ran furiously towards the cameras and started jumping up and down behind one reporter. Leaders from such groups as the Urban Underground and the Running Rebels conducted interviews with local news reporters. When asked by Real Wisconsin News if they had any association with the Digital Underground or the Confederate Army, they seemed confused, and restated their talking points, namely that if the youth are not allowed in Mayfair, they will have no choice but to hang out on the streets and commit crimes. “Back when I was in high school,” said one leader, “I was able to hang out at Capitol Court, and then also at Northridge. We just want these young people to have the same opportunities we had back then.”

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After many months of intense research in the field encompassing the areas of Alconomics, Shotology and Keg Studies I have once again returned bringing to light all the glories of my travels through the land of beer and cheese. It became apparent that even after a night of excessive studies, buoyancy could not be achieved and that a life jacket is a wise choice when visiting the city of Jefferson, WI. A wonderful thing about the flooding is that you don’t have to pay for a new couch or desk these days as the street corners turned into mini-free garage sales.
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American Dreaming With Dan Brubus Keep driving your SUVs, people, because we’re about make history! I knew my Lord and savior Jesus Christ was on my side when I decided against going to Miami to take a job with a competitor. “Yeah, the weather sucks here,” I reasoned, “and the girls aren’t nearly as hot, but I can afford a Brookfield mansion for less than a million bucks, and still have enough left over to stock my garage.” Anyhow, the great weather is about to come to me, so I’ll be retiring at about 55 with more money in the bank than you’ll make in a lifetime, and beautiful weather, as well. What do we have to thank for all this? Global warming, of course.

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