The Milwaukee Bucks, in the hopes of drawing more fans, are in the process of acquiring a team that may not be able to compete on the court, but certainly will entertain people. The team will begin trading for players that are considered to be freaks of nature, or at least of basketball. Their recent acquisition of 5’5’’ Earl Boykins is the first in a string of trades that will create what is known as a theme-team. Just as the Harlem Globetrotters train mediocre players to dribble basketballs off referees’ heads and throw buckets of water on unsuspecting fans, the Milwaukee Bucks will also create a buzz when they travel through the NBA as they build their record book roster. While some may call them the freaks of the league, the Bucks front office is simply referring to the new team as team representing all of society. “The players will represent the dreams and sometimes nightmares of fans worldwide, and we will create an interesting brand of basketball for a city that is used to embracing all walks of life,” was the official word from the organization.

Larry Krystkowiak will soon be joined on the bench by Curly Neal, and current player Mo Williams will stay on the roster in order to create a Three Stooges subplot. The team has also confirmed the purchase of a “short bus” that the players will ride in for the games. The bus will have a magic window that opens up so fans can see in, and the team has hired Busdriver Bob from The Doodlebops television program to drive. The half-time entertainment for each game will also arrive with the team on the bus, which will be equipped with bubble and smoke machines.

Some players under consideration include:

Earl Boykins—shortest current NBA player

Manute Bol, Gheorghe Muresan, or Shawn Bradley—tallest

Danny Schayes or son—Jewish

Shareef Abdur-Rahim or Tariq Abdul-Wahad—Muslim

Tyrone Hill—ugliest

Rasheed Wallace—most penalized

Dennis Rodman—?

John Amaechi—“man in the middle”

Tracy McGrady—most cross-eyed

Eduardo Najera—Mexican

Steve Nash—Canadian

Sunday, September 21, 2014 15181
The Green Bay Packers have requested an investigation by the NFL into the abuse the team has received at the hands of other teams so far this season. Mike McCarthy officially requested action from the league following his team's second loss of the season to the Detroit Lions. Though the Packers were not the first to get smacked around by an unemployed loved one in Detroit, the team felt it deserved better.
Thursday, August 02, 2007 3716
I pay a lot of money to have a luxury suite at Milwaukee Brewers games, or should I say the company that pays me what I’m worth pays a lot for the suite. I say that the rich and famous of Milwaukee deserve to flush whatever they want into the river because we keep the city afloat. I was told that the suites are responsible for the raw sewage being dumped into the river, and that the restrooms may not be available for opening day. That’s simply outrageous! I have some very important Taiwaneese businessmen coming to the game to see Hong-Chih Kuo play and possibly sign a multi-million dollar deal for me, and there is no way they are going to use a port-a-pot so some tree-hugging enviro-nazis can limit the waste in the river.

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