After Bill Clinton did not have sexual relations with Monica Lewinsky by getting blow jobs, male students across the country began using The Slick Willie argument with their female classmates, and fellatio became a part of the normal high school rite of passage in the late 90s (to the dismay of all males who graduated in the early 90s). A similar phenomenon is beginning to occur at schools, including those with conservative values: spying on naked girls, uncontrollable kissing, and pussy grabbing. It’s the result of Donald Trump’s revelation that doing this to women is one of his favorite activities.

While male high school students have always wanted sex, they have generally asked for it or hoped that situations, such as prom, would naturally lead to it. Bill Clinton’s revolutionary take on sexual relations made oral sex more palatable for young women, leading to such possible events as rainbow parties. These impressionable girls saw a man they respected saying it was not sexual to perform oral sex, so they could feel confident that it was fine to do so. Similarly, young men who respect Donald Trump for his wealth, power, and honesty are now taking his advice about relationships.

Guidance counselors all over the nation are reporting an uptick in boys calling girls names, such as fat pigs, dogs, slobs, and disgusting animals. Sometimes worse. However, bullying is nothing new. There is also a notable increase in peeping in locker rooms because of recent allegations that Donald Trump owned beauty pageants so he could look at naked women and girls, though there’s always been such shenanigans. Uncontrollable kissing and pussy grabbing are very new, however, and they are being treated as criminal, even if it’s something The Donald does at will. One high school girl claims she was assaulted by a boy she barely knew during physical education class. “He didn’t even say anything. He just started kissing my neck and cheek while I was waiting for class to start. And then he put his hand on my privates.Gross!”

One element that has not been repeated at the nation’s schools is the act of “grabbing” the pussy. All reports have involved touching, rubbing, or attempted digital penetration. By definition, grabbing is “to grasp or seize suddenly and roughly.” While this did happen to the penis of one young man who touched a classmate’s pussy region, no reports of actual pussy grabbing have been reported. Dr. Pam Schmeer explains, “According to Yahoo Answers, the pussy and vagina are interchangeable terms, but the pussy often refers to both internal and external parts of female genitalia, meaning Donald Trump would have been referring to the vulva, or the external part, that includes the labia and clitorus.” The doctor went on to explain that grabbing the pussy lips, even for someone with extremely small hands, would be difficult given the fact that the external parts of the pussy do not protrude out very far. She suggested 2-5mm. She also suggested a grab would not be as much of a turn on as a foot massage, running hands gently through one's hair, or ear licking.

That said, gym teachers all over the nation are using grab-puss instead of grab-ass to describe students not working on the task at hand, as in, “Hey, gentlemen, could you stop playing grab-puss long enough to finish your stretching?” Whereas men were allowed to “goose” women decades ago without so much as a lawsuit, the consensus is that if Trump becomes president, men can expect a handful of pussy whenever they see a pretty face.

While Donald Trump asserts that all women whose pussies were grabbed were willing participants in his dalliances, some have called for an investigation. However, no woman has come forward to confirm her pussy was grabbed by Donald Trump against her will, suggesting that Trump was correct in his assertion that money and power leads to pussy being there for the grabbing. Unfortunately, most high school boys have neither money nor power, so these young men will be the ones to pay by being added to the sex offender registry for the next two decades.  

Wednesday, March 05, 2008 5461
Dear Biker Chick, I invited all of my friends to a party at my house recently, and almost none of them got back to me, even though I asked for an RSVP. It’s not like I did some afterthought of an email invite; I sent most of them actual letters! I had to overbuy on the food and especially beer, just in case some of my friends brought their alcoholic boyfriends. Has etiquette disappeared so much and is there anything I can do? Alice in West Allis Dear Stally Ally, If you were really popular in high school and maintained that through college in a sorority and then married a rich husband, then you wouldn’t have to worry about this kind of crap. Everyone would want to come over to your McMansion and eat lobster. If you were a burnout and a slut in high school and then got a job in retail before marrying a loser, I know where you’re coming from, and your friends will always attend any party you throw if they’ve got nothing else going on. Don’t expect a reply, and definitely don’t bother with mail—most people probably thought you were rubbing their noses in the fact that they’re still living at home or in some sleazy apartment instead of in their own houses. Send them an email next time and quit your complaining. If you got three people to show up, that’s enough to prove you’ll have someone attend your funeral someday. Stick the food in the freezer and drink the booze until you feel better about the whole thing. And by all means, when they invite you to their house someday, don’t respond, and then either show up trashed and flirt with all the married men or just don’t show up at all if you find something better to do.
Monday, September 24, 2007 15489
While other auto manufacturers waiver in their support of the war in Iraq, Jeep maintains its support with its 2008 lineup of vehicles. Jeep’s homepage depicts all of its vehicles in a Middle-Eastern desert setting, along with a shovel and pail. The caption reads, “Have fun out there.” Other automobile web pages focus on American roads and fuel efficiency, whereas the Jeep site infers that we should go out there and commandeer our own oil.

Donate to Scott Walker Without a Trace

Donate using PayPal
Amount:
Note:
and

Designed by Passive Ninja