The Green Bay Packers have requested an investigation by the NFL into the abuse the team has received at the hands of other teams so far this season. Mike McCarthy officially requested action from the league following his team's second loss of the season to the Detroit Lions. Though the Packers were not the first to get smacked around by an unemployed loved one in Detroit, the team felt it deserved better. 
 
"There are no acceptable excuses for the kind of abuse we've received at the hands of offensive lines against our defensive front or pass blitzes against our blocking schemes," said coach Mike McCarthy. "They've been treating Jordy Nelson like he's one of the Nelson twins and bending Clay Matthews over like he's a long-haired bitch." The team says that since the abusive situations have been caught on film, the league should be able to review the events and take appropriate action against the Packers' opponents this year. 
 
The Packers were able to sneak away from the Jets at home because the visiting team didn't keep both hands wrapped around Aaron Rodger's throat after having repeatedly and effectively raped the defense in the first half. Since the NFL wants to protect its image, the Packers hope that league officials will help the team avoid unsafe situations. "Just because our linemen aren't pretty enough or strong enough or smart enough does not mean that other teams have the right to throw us around like Adrian Peterson's  baby. I know that sounds really bad, and that's because it is really bad," said a random drunk fan at a bar after the Detroit game. Added Ray Rice, who is an avid Packers fan: "If I would have pimp slapped my wife in the elevator the way the Packers have gotten beat down by the Seahawks, Jets, and Lions, I would have served actual jail time rather than making speeches at spousal abuse centers. By the way, talk about a nice place to meet some women!" 
 
Unfortunately, people involved in abusive relationships have trouble moving on, which the Packers have proven by the team's desire to believe in Dom Capers. "He doesn't mean to hurt us," claims one defensive player who wanted to remain anonymous. "He just doesn't really know what he's doing. Besides, we're naughty and ugly and weak, so it's really our fault, anyhow." 
Monday, December 05, 2016 9027
Milwaukee County currently pays nearly $300 per day for juvenile delinquents housed at the Copper Lake Girls School and the Lincoln Hills School for Boys. The locations present problems for family visits and have been under scrutiny for alleged indiscretions. County Executive Chris Abele has made the decision to move the Milwaukee inmates to a lower-priced facility in downtown Milwaukee: the Pfister. Said Abele, “We can put two children per room into the Pfister for an average of $200 per night. That includes maid service and a pretty nice room.” The Pfister has 307 guest rooms, which means it could easily accommodate the young troubled people from the detention centers. For example, Lincoln Hills only has 120 beds, with roughly 90% filled by Milwaukee youth. At two per room, 200 or so Milwaukee girls and boys could be housed in 100 of the Pfister’s rooms for $100 per night. Abele suggests that the county provide $80 per kid per day in food credits for on-site dining. This means that the youngsters would have to learn how to use budgeting skills in order to eat each day. While one inmate might want Maryland Crab Cakes at the Mason Street Grill, he will learn that the $17.50 might be more wisely spent on $16 Herb Seared Chicken at The Cafe at the Pfister. Perhaps a room-service Brioche French Toast for $11, or an $18 Zaffiro’s “Cracker Style Crust” pizza to share. Subtle laughter at the irony, perhaps. According to Abele, the rules will be simple: don’t leave. “These kids have a chance to experience the good life. Would you ever leave the Pfister if someone offered to let you live there?” With a full-service spa, indoor pool, 24-hour fitness center, and wifi, the answer for most of us would be a resounding “No!” School will be provided through an online charter school and can be worked on in the guest rooms or in the lobby. Abele believes the atmosphere will be good for the young men and women, and out-of-town notables, especially the Hollywood elite, will appreciate the diversity and culture provided by young men and women attempting to be reformed at one of Milwaukee’s most notable landmarks. In addition, the youngsters will have the opportunity to intern as employees in the hospitality field. Management has said the inmates will not be allowed to interact with guests or enter occupied rooms to provide maid services, but they can learn to change light bulbs, vacuum the lobby, and deliver food to guests. Wages earned can be used for spa treatments and, extra food credits, or convenience items from the Pfister Gift Shop or Boutique B’Lou (fine women’s apparel). Family members can jump on the 30 and visit in the lobby, but inmates will not be able to invite anyone up to their rooms. “It’s kind of like Shangri-la,” Abele suggested. Some say it’s more like the Hotel California, where inmates can check out any time they want but can never leave. However, even those people would not actually leave if given a sentence to stay. The County Executive’s office has been overrun with applications to work as floor monitors / RAs, who can leave for up to 8 hours per day in rotating shifts. Even Milwaukee Police officers have volunteered. If this Milwaukee Experiment works, similar programs may be established at other top-notch hotels, like the Trump Hotels that currently have empty rooms and plummeting bookings, according to NBC. President Trump would not comment on the idea, but he has said that inner cities are a disaster, so pairing two disasters could make sense.
Thursday, April 12, 2018 14806
A leading economist has released a synopsis of how public schools need to follow a business model in a new book. Chapter One discusses teachers as managers and students as labor, with Parents functioning as the board of directors, and taxpayers acting as customers, while State/Fed government are upper management. Testing/Graduation is the product. Chapter Two has: Teachers=Labor; Students=Product; Parents=Customer; Taxpayers=Board of Directors; State/Fed=Employer; Testing/Graduation= evaluation of product. Chapter Three outlines: Teachers=Labor; Students=Customer; Parents=Board of Directors; Taxpayers=Board of Directors; State/Fed=Employer; Testing/Graduation=Product Chapter Four Maintains: Teachers=Independent Contractor; Students=Customer; Parents=Managers; Taxpayers=Board of Directors; State/Fed=Employer; Testing/Graduation=Product Chapter Five hypothesizes: Teachers=Independent Contractor; Students=Customer; Parents=Customer; Taxpayers=Customer; State/Fed=Employer; Testing/Graduation=Product Chapters Six through 27 outline many more scenarios that all seem to work brilliantly on paper to prove once and for all that free public schools do in fact follow a simple business model. Therefore, common business procedures such as embezzlement and money laundering should begin immediately.

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