I used to be really against abortion, but I recently saw the light. I met this girl from Altoona, and she was kinda cute, but I was also kinda drunk.

We got it on, and one thing led to another, etc. Anyhow, there’s no way I want to stay with this girl for the rest of my life, and when she said she was knocked up, I’m like, “It’s up to you; I’m moving back home for the summer.” She got all emotional, as if our one night of wild animal sex actually meant something—I mean she’s from Altoona for Chrissake! I sorta felt bad because I used to march holding a sign with the other members from my church, all saying how abortion’s murder and stuff, but I’m not ready for no kid. Anyhow, we went halvsies on the price, and it’s all taken care of now, so I don’t have to see her again, unless I get bored.


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Wednesday, September 14, 2016 11920
National, state, and local governments are paying close attention to Samsung's handling of its Note 7 debacle, taking notes on how to handle dissatisfied customers and employees. The consumer electronics giant that developed exploding phones has sent pizza to all of the stores in South Korea that have to take returns of the faulty devices, and it seems to be working. Therefore, government agencies in America are planning on similar freebies in order to smooth over policies. Governor Scott Walker of Wisconsin was the first national figure to use the pizza pill, sending out Little Caesar's pizzas to all teachers and university staff this week. The state educational system has had trouble hiring and keeping competent employees after the unprecedented budget cuts to both K12 and university public education in the state, but Walker hopes that extending the olive branch with one-topping pizzas will force the teachers to realize that the cuts were to their benefit. "How many times did unions provide a nutritious pizza lunch for those who paid dues?" Walker asked. Similarly, the Obama Administration will be providing pizza to employees of the insurance companies that administer Obamacare plans. "This pizza is a reminder that together we can become a healthier nation. Together we can ensure the human right of health insurance is administered to all. Together we can enjoy a meal in every slice." Obama has taken heat for the use of supreme and specialty pizzas from more expensive pizza chains instead of the $5 pizzas offered by Governor Walker. However, Obama stressed that nothing is too good for the people who help Americans fulfill their dreams of healthy living.
Thursday, September 27, 2007 11984
An 18-year-old student was arrested Sept. 21 on charges of underage drinking and depositing of human waste when a witness reported him urinating off the Sandburg patio.

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