I used to be really against abortion, but I recently saw the light. I met this girl from Altoona, and she was kinda cute, but I was also kinda drunk.

We got it on, and one thing led to another, etc. Anyhow, there’s no way I want to stay with this girl for the rest of my life, and when she said she was knocked up, I’m like, “It’s up to you; I’m moving back home for the summer.” She got all emotional, as if our one night of wild animal sex actually meant something—I mean she’s from Altoona for Chrissake! I sorta felt bad because I used to march holding a sign with the other members from my church, all saying how abortion’s murder and stuff, but I’m not ready for no kid. Anyhow, we went halvsies on the price, and it’s all taken care of now, so I don’t have to see her again, unless I get bored.

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