Doc just doesn’t understand! JT’s my son, for heaven’s sake! Why shouldn’t I tell my best friend? So what if he’s going to marry Hope this week. That’s my son, not that evil Stefano’s. My little spermies swam up Princess Gina’s fallopian tube, and Goddamnit I deserve to be recognized! So what if she was really Hope and not Princess Gina, he’s still my son. 

 Personally, I just think Doc’s jealous because she can never have babies again, ever since she was possessed by the Devil. Actually, I’m starting to wonder why I was a priest who ended up with a shrink who was possessed. But I’m no priest now. Amen to that! You’ve got to admit that Princess Gina, I mean Hope, is some hot stuff. Yummy! Did anyone else notice she got a tit job? Well, I sure did. 

Anyhow, I plan on screwing up that wedding if I don’t get my way, so just you watch and see.

 

Thursday, January 03, 2008 5510
Dear Biker Chick I've been seeing a woman for almost a year now and it's been time to break-up since autumn. I kept seeing her through the holidays because I didn't want to be "that guy" who breaks up just before it's time to buy a present. Now, just a few days after New Year's she's talking about what we should do for Valentine's Day. I really want to break-up with her, but she's making it pretty hard. How can I do this without her feeling bad or me being an asshole. Signed Too Nice Dear Too Nice Try growing a set. Tell her she's nice but just not in the right place at the right time for you. If she asks about maybe getting back together in the future, she's basically asking to be told she's not the right one. You can say it mean, or you can say it nice, but say it. And stop being a whiney little weasel. I know you just wanted the holiday nookie.
Friday, June 16, 2017 11500
Conservative Parents have traditionally used traditional names for their children, even as some of them make valiant efforts to be as unique as artsy, liberal parents. While there have been spikes in names like George, Barbara, and Nancy within the past few decades, imaginative conservatives have chosen Reagan as a go-to name, as well. The realization that George II was a bit of a dope followed by nearly a decade of a Muslim-named president led to such names as Easton, Wilson, Rawlings, Spalding, Mizuno, and Bombat, as GenXers to Millennials remembered the simple times of playing baseball at the sandlot. Now that Donald Trump is our fearless leader, there will be a spike in names associated with the president. Sara Manning of ConservativeBabyNames.com has predicted that, barring an impeachment, Donald will surpass Aiden, Kaden, and Jayden in the top ten of American baby names. “While conservatives tend to choose more traditional names or names associated with power rather than trailer park names like Jayden, it will be nice to see some of our names supplanting those of the downtrodden,” Manning said. “For the girls, the obvious choice will be Ivanka, a name that symbolizes female power and beauty.” According to Manning, Trump will not be a first name, but Bannon and Conway will be excellent male names. Some will go a bit further in order to be unique, choosing Vlad for a boy destined to lead the family business with an iron fist. While Sergey will likely not see a surge because of its propensity to elicit “SirGay” from the masses, Kislyak can be a cute girl’s name. Other names that will entice the refined parent include Pence as either boy or girl, Tillerson or Mattis for the boys, and Carson for .2% of minority boys. While Flynn, Carter, and Page will be on the outside looking in, Assange will likely become a female name in the near future. For those looking to make a bold statement, Kremlin would work for either boy or girl. Manning claims that press attacks on Eric will limit the name’s resurgence, but Barron will hit the charts along with Melania. However, Tiffany and Marla are considered as tasteless as Hillary for the true conservative. “You wouldn’t name your kid Golddigger or Bitch, would you?” asked Manning.

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