“Wild” Bill Nielson, president of the Eau Claire Common Council, has issued a decree to all residents of the city. The short but poignant message reads “Love Thy Neighbor,” and it has been accepted with jubilation by the masses.

 

“I hadn’t really though of it before, but it makes all kinds of sense,” said Ty LaPlant, who lives in Horan Hall. “It would really be nice if my neighbors weren’t all guys.” 

Ty’s sentiments were echoed all across this fine metropolis, as dozens of citizens began loving their neighbors immediately. 

“I never used to like that one guy who showed up for class smelling like beer, but he’s OK now,” admitted Mandy Less. “He’s my neighbor, sorta.”

Local church officials refused to be interviewed, claiming that the secular “Love Thy Neighbor” decree doesn’t interest them.

 

Monday, July 16, 2007 19191
First off, I have to say I’m sorry for stumbling into the house all late with Cal the other night. Really, it was totally mean, even though it was the weekend and you didn’t have to get up for anything. And you’d never really complained about my late hours too much before. Anyway, like I said, I’m sorry, and I do appreciate the fact that you let me stay here while I’m in college and all that, and that you clean my room for me when I can’t find the floor.
Friday, August 31, 2007 6543
A 25-year-old man was arrested Aug. 16 on charges of disorderly conduct after he picked up a barricade and threw it in the street near Purim Hall. He was reportedly intoxicated and taken to detox. Don't let anything get in the way of your education!

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