The newest and most controversial Facebook application to be launched allows users to live forever, at least online. And it’s not just in the form of some static profile. The Eternal Life application learns and then lives, and then keeps on living—forever. 


Facebook has taken over as the most utilized way for people to network with one another in a simple and colorful style, but it has had trouble generating money. It’s also had some strange stories of deceased members maintaining profiles for long periods of time—sometimes kept as a shrine and sometimes never taken down because nobody really knows who the person is or that he or she died. 

Instead of trying to take profiles down in the case of death, Facebook has decided to embrace the inevitable, and offer a beyond lifetime guarantee on their service. “Basically, if the service has not been accessed for more than six months (earlier if requested), and the customer paid for Eternal Life, we then set the profile to ‘automatic,’” said Facebook CEO Mark Zuckerberg. 

The profile will continue to function as if the user is still alive, receiving photos and other updates from friends. However, using aggregated data from past behaviors, the profile will also continue to interact with friends, just as if the person owning the profile was still among the living. For example, if Grandma Gerty tended to “Like” photos of her grandkids, those photos will receive the same consideration well after she has passed on. 

Taking it even further, users will be able to create a list of favorite catch-phrases or quotes to be used as comments. “This goes well beyond ‘LOL,’” said Zuckerberg. “The profile will assess what is being said in the post, and the comment will relate to that post, in the words of the eternal user.” For example, if Gerty’s son posts a comment about the Packers’ injuries, her profile will answer with, “I always liked a man in uniform,” or maybe “Go Pack Go.”

Facebook realizes that advertisers would like a piece of the undead, as well, so users who liked their products in life will continue to post about those products long after they have any use for them. If Grandma Gerty liked Good Housekeeping Magazine, she will send her granddaughter and great-granddaughter posts about subscription opportunities. 

Since eternal life through technology is still a decade or so away, Facebook sees this as its best opportunity to capitalize on the early stages of man’s desire to live on as a digital being.  

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Some in Washington are Claiming Colorful, Corrupt Connection. The Whitehouse has claimed that what Scooter did wasn’t so bad, and that it is right for President Kermit T. Frog to use his Rainbow Connection to Scooter to get the poor guy off the hook. But some observers are claiming that this so-called Rainbow Connection is nothing better than an old-boys club of the powerful political elite, totally clueless as to what normal Americans want.
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Wisconsin governor Scott Walker has been excited about the Foxconn deal for Wisconsin, though he did avoid talking about it after the signing. Wisconsin residents are asking whether it's a good deal for the state to add Foxconn to its payroll. In fact, the state will be paying new employees of Foxconn $15,000 to $19,000 per job annually. While it may be true that these will not be actual state employees, they will also not cost as much as actual state employees, so it actually works out in the state’s favor, according to Walker. While roads and parks may be in disrepair, thousands of new private sector jobs will be created, and most of those new employees will likely not care about services the state might offer. While it’s true that the average corporate incentive arrangement only adds up to a state kicking in $2,457 per year. Basically, taxpayers will be paying over 15% of the wages to Foxconn employees, a workforce that could top out at 13,000. However, taxpayers must realize that when the government was bloated and paying many employees in excess of $30,000 a year and benefits, that’s more than double the investment in paying Foxconn to build electronics in Wisconsin. While it’s true that there was enforcement of DNR rules and teachers for children, the fact is that most people from Wisconsin would rather watch a youtube video of a rap battle between Donald Trump and Pocahontas than pay their hard-earned money into a corrupt system of fat-cat, liberal, career government employees. These people are perfectly fine that Foxconn employees will be making more money than them, with a substantial percentage provided by their own taxes, so long as those Foxconn employees do not tell them what to watch on the screens that are being manufactured in Wisconsin. Jeremy Atkins, a college marketing major, says that he is grateful that he might be able to work for Foxconn with money provided by Wisconsin taxpayers. “I will show my appreciation to the taxpayers of Wisconsin by purchasing my Porsche in the state” Atkins claimed. “I will also show my appreciation by paying Wisconsin income taxes even as I live closer to Chicago, over the border. I mean, have you seen Mount Pleasant? I’d rather live in Taiwan!” Atkins also claims that he hopes that with hard work and dedication, he might someday work his way to up own the company, which is generally the dream of most American workers. Like those who work for Toyota, HSBC, Sony, or Siemens.

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