Al HiterAldous Hiter, a long time Washington County resident, will run for a position as a county supervisor in the upcoming election. His hopes are that, despite his name bearing a resemblance to Aldoph Hitler, he will be elected nonetheless, since he plans on running as a Republican. Hiter said, "I heard that even Adolph Hitler could win in Washington county if he had an "R" before his name, so I figured I'd give it a shot. In most places, people look twice at my name and get a little uncomfortable before they pronounce it, but generally not in this county."


Hiter said he'd never really thought about running for public office before, but after he read that a Slinger teacher said that even Hitler could win in Washington County, he decided to give it a shot. "I'd often thought about changing my name, especially after the looks I received at a recent Bah Mitzvah, but I believe that the people of Washington County are open-minded enough to get past a mere name. I'd also thought about shaving the mustache and stopping the greasy comb-over, but that's all in the past now" Hiter may be right to think he has a chance, as 46% of Washington County voters choose not to look at the names, and 79% of those voters select Republicans. That means Hiter would have 36% of the votes wrapped up before anyone reads his name. Hiter figures the rest of the votes will come from racists and those with morbid senses of humor.

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Wednesday, July 25, 2007 13622
President Bush, in a startling use of language last week, properly used a multi-syllabic word in a sentence. Describing newly declared Presidential candidate Senator Barack Obama as "articulate," Bush successfully made the attempt to string together several words without bumbling. As it turned out however, supporters of Senator Obama, couldn't appreciate the historic occasion.
Thursday, September 11, 2014 10171
This article first appeared in 2001 The American Regional Meat Packing Industry Traders (ARMPIT), under pressure from PETA, has decided to completely change its practices of killing animals. The move comes as a surprise, though leaders in the industry are taking it in stride.

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