Newt Gingrich, in response to a question about gay marriage during the January 7th Republican Debate, said, "The sacrament of marriage is based on a man and woman; has been for 3000 years." He effectively rewrote history with that statement. However, it is unclear what Gringrich's version of history and religion might be, so Real Wisconsin News has taken the liberty to attempt to decipher his view of the world:

 

Newt gets burned as you read more:

Monday, October 01, 2007 14888
While some fans are disappointed with the finish to the [insert year here] Milwaukee Brewers season, team members believe they have the Chicago Cubs right where they want them. Instead of the Brewers going on to lose in the first round of the playoffs, players will be able to sit at home with their families and watch the Cubs lose in the first round.
Sunday, July 22, 2007 9441
The Cobeus tribe of South America, living deep in the Amazon and feeding occasionally on their enemies, have issued a press release that they are not interesting in devouring baseball great Barry Bonds. This may seem shocking because Bonds has a lot of muscle, which is more nutritious that fat. However, the Cobeus people do not want their meals tainted with steroids and avoid human flesh that has been tainted in any way. In a Real Wisconsin News exclusive, we have discovered that the tribe keeps a bulletin board with photos of people who are allowed safe passage through their domain. Keith Richards and Lindsay Lohan are amongst the celebrities posted. While the mammary is said to be the best meat available on a human, Lohan’s recent transgressions have made her off-limits, just like Bonds.

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