Scott Walker says the NBA has dropped the ball in settling with its union thug employees, claiming he could have devised a much better deal for the owners using techniques he learned while creating a better system for management/employee relations in Wisconsin. “I think I have some experience in dealing with greedy workers,” said Walker, while campaigning at a factory in Manitowoc. Walker went on to outline a multiple-step process that David Stern should have implemented in dealing with the union: (comments are based on what Walker told a college-educated intern, who wrote them down)

1. Convince people the employees make a lot more money than anyone else. “If I could convince most of Wisconsin that teachers make a lot more than them, it would not have been difficult to do with NBA players, who make as much in one game as teachers make in an entire year.”

2. Convince people the employees do a lot less than everyone else. “Everyone knows that teachers don't work all summer and get hours off to plan during the school day. NBA players only work 80-some days a year, and they don't even play the full three hours. So they might even work less than lazy teachers.”

3. Convince people anyone can do it. “We were able to establish that most teachers are not that effective and that teacher-training programs are not difficult, so mediocre students become teachers. While some people might think that controlling thirty kids per hour is a lot of work, most people now believe that they could also teach and that schools are failing. Most people already watch basketball games knowing what each player should be doing, so all Stern had to do is play up the idea that anyone really could do it and that a lot of talent exists in college ball in case the pros want to retire early.”

4. Convince people they're lazy. “It's not a stretch once we know teachers get paid a lot and don't work a lot, but what you need to do is choose extreme cases of laziness and establish that as the norm. Like teachers who check out early and never volunteer to stay after school to help the kids they're failing. Basketball players often skip practice and hang out in locker rooms listening to ipods. That looks lazy, unlike private sector employees, who always work all day long.”

5. Demonstrate that the industry as a whole and all its other employees will not survive unless the union gives in. “This is an important step. People need to relate to the ushers and coaches and everyone else who might be out of work because of the greedy union thugs. They especially need to feel for the owners, though, because the owners are the ones who put up all the money and shoulder all the risk, and if the owners cannot make money, they will no longer own the teams and the teams will fold, putting more people out of work. The owners in schools are the taxpayers. The best method to create a similar effect in the NBA is to convince fans they 'own' the team.”

6. Establish that unions are the cause of it all. “If no unions existed, players would just get paid what they are worth, and the best players would get the most. If a player is good enough, he doesn't need to worry about injuries or retirement because he'll be playing and making a lot of money. Plus, he'll be able to keep the union dues you're getting scammed out of. Management needs to show that some players play below expectations or get injured and eat away at the amount the team can offer another player. If the union members really cared about the game, they'd willingly give money back to the team in order to help it survive. Same thing for teachers: if teachers really love the children they teach, they'd be willing to do it for less and work more, but the unions stop this from happening.”

7. Provide tools and choice. “Make the unions think that they are getting tools that will make it better for them in the long run. It doesn't matter if there are any tools besides getting less money, because the word “tools” implies work, and people understand that tools are important in doing work, something teachers and NBA players aren't used to doing.”

8. Divide and conquer. “If all else fails, and the union is still intact, make an offer that targets a majority. For example, if most of the players are under 30, then make a provision that does not guarantee contracts to players over 30. Then, next contract you can target rookie pay. Then you target multi-year deals by European-born players. Whatever. Just get them believing that they'll get a better deal overall if they sacrifice just a few of their fellow union members. This is also a good way to start before #1 if you just want a slightly more favorable contract. School districts were doing this for at least ten years before their unions got busted.”

9. No matter what, keep saying that it's working. “Whether you use talentless scabs or employees claim their work conditions are making them depressed, maintain that the changes are working and the tools are making it possible to improve. The key here is that profit for the owners (or corporate supporters) continues to increase, and eventually people (including the employees) will get used to the new standard. Then, wait a few contract cycles and start over again.