In an effort to bring Wisconsin back together as Christians, Scott Walker saved Christmas just before the bid to recall him from office, and he is hoping that the effort will prove once and for all that he is the true chosen leader of the state. By reclaiming the Christmas tree from liberals, Walker has brought back the Christmas season to Wisconsin. The citizens had been celebrating a pagan festivus holiday for the past twenty-five years, according to Walker's aides. Walker said, “The New Wisconsin Order will allow Christians to celebrate a Christian holiday that's always been a Christian holiday in a state that's always been a Christian state in a country that was founded by strongly Christian founding fathers, with Christianity as its founding principle. And it says loud and clear that Wisconsin is open for business this Christmas season.”

The Walker administration hopes that re-affirming Christmas will instill a sense of confidence in the state. “Constantine became a Christian and defeated his heathen enemies. And those were Germanic warriors. I think Jesus and our grassroots, family-values groups in Wisconsin can handle a few union thugs,” said Walker of the upcoming recall test. When asked how Christian values have been used in his own decisions in government, Walker said that the Christian value of owning and using a firearm was very important to him. He also stated that shared sacrifice by union employees who are much happier now because they have less is a perfect example of Christian charity. “Unions are all about greed and wanting to get more out of employers than the employers want to give, and Jesus taught us in the parable of the servants from Luke:

 

'But who is there among you, having a servant plowing or keeping sheep, that will say, when he comes in from the field, 'Come immediately and sit down at the table,' and will not rather tell him, 'Prepare my supper, clothe yourself properly, and serve me, while I eat and drink. Afterward you shall eat and drink'? Does he thank that servant because he did the things that were commanded? I think not. Even so you also, when you have done all the things that are commanded you, say, 'We are unworthy servants. We have done our duty.'

 

That pretty much sums it up, I think, because as civil servants, it's the state workers' job to serve. When they all see that Christmas tree, they'll remember the reason for the season and why they should joyfully give back.”

 

Walker also pointed out that retail sales will likely improve this year because the Christmas tree is back, since Wisconsinites will once again exchange gifts and enjoy the merriment of the season. When asked if the Christmas tree will alienate any other religious groups, Walker said, “Some of my best friends are Jewish billionaires, and I think I'd know if a Christmas tree offended them. I'm not offended by their Jewish candle thing. Of course, anyone who's not Christian is going to hell, but that's for God to sort out later.”



Wednesday, January 02, 2013 10523
Cliff Clavin, longtime patron of Cheers bar, is said to be no longer welcome to step up to the bar where everybody knows his name as "Fiscal Cliff." The other patrons at the bar had been complaining that they had to spend their time drinking away their problems next to a mail carrier whose salary "rapes our wallets." Norm, often seen as Cliff's best bar friend, had this to say: "Being a straight painter who works for myself, I can't stand freeloaders who work cushy government jobs and then use my tax money to get wasted every day after work. If he wants to get drunk, then he can start his own business and use that money to buy booze." The jabs keep coming here:
Saturday, October 13, 2007 18333
The Milwaukee Bucks have used their 2007 NBA lottery draft pick to help the team win the lottery next year. The choice of Yi Jianlian, who does not even want to play for the team, should help to propel them to the worst record in the NBA, setting the stage for a few more chances to land next year’s top pick. While Jianlian has been compared to Toni Kukoc, mostly for his abilities in English as a Second Language, he will become another power forward to the frontcourt, allowing Charlie Villanueva to move to his natural position on the bench. Yi’s presence will also allow Andrew Bogut to continue to focus on automobile dealerships commercials rather than becoming a dominant force on the inside.

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