I’ve lived in West Allis since I was born, and though I’m no mechanic or anything, I do appreciate a loud V8 engine. However, when I was watching a race last week, I started wondering how I could rig my Monte Carlo to make fire like the ones on TV. Obviously, I don’t want a rocket on my car—I just want it to send a little fire out the tailpipes when I pass someone on Highway 100. Is that too much to ask? So I went to Autozone and asked someone there if they had a device to make fire come out of my car. The guy told me they don’t sell such a product and that it would probably not be street legal.

I decided to search the internet for ways to either create fire in my car or red smoke. Yahoo answers tells me this: “The flame from the exhaust was caused by unburnt fuel (gas) in the exhaust system. The unburnt fuel was probably ignited by the hot catalytic converter.” So maybe I could find a way to leave more unburnt fuel in the tailpipe.

On an Acura forum, I learned that “Those race cars are usually running ethanol or nitromethane,” so maybe I can put some of that in my Monte Carlo, since it’s more flammable, and therefore more exciting. However, when I tried to find out if my stock Monte Carlo could run on ethanol or nitromethane, I found a lot of technical research and references to racing, but no clear answer. After more research, it looks like I can add some of the nitro if I have a kit and run colder plugs and tune the car…uh, not something I can handle.

So I started thinking that maybe I needed to create an illusion of fire instead of the real thing. It already smokes a little bit, but that’s not fire. What if I used some dye to make the smoke red or something? Nobody has posted or written articles about adding dyes to their engine oil to make it look cool, though I did find a good article on how to dye Easter eggs that I bookmarked. I did, however, find a product that might work: smoke dye, like the stuff airplanes use in air shows. Here’s a manufacturer description of usage:

  • Signal smoke bombs and grenades

  • Marker buoys and distress flares

  • Attachments to aircraft towed target systems

  • Pyrotechnics for air shows, etc

  • Anti-theft smoke devices


Sounds like it could dye my oil to make it smoke red instead of black. I’ll have to ask the guy at Autozone if he thinks that’s legal. Of course, when he sold me the neon lights for under my car, he said those were perfectly legal or he wouldn't sell them, but when they started flickering, I got pulled over in the Club Paragon parking lot. But the posing nude girl mud flaps seem to be legal, and those make my ride so sweet, but not as sweet as the home tinting kit I just bought.

Saturday, February 27, 2016 35569
New College Plan To Reflect Walker's Own College Career The new three-year Walker Degree to be offered at state colleges and universities is part of Scott Walker’s plan to bolster Wisconsin’s already elite standing as a top college state. The plan, expected to provide employers with a considerable increase in available college graduates, will also provide many students who gave up because they were either stupid or unmotivated another chance to succeed. Walker says it’s a win-win for the state of Wisconsin. Studies that go unread by most students who drop out of college indicate that most students who drop out maintained a lower GPA than those who remained in school. These studies also indicate that students who study and take school seriously stand a better chance of graduating, even if they are only going for a degree as simplistic as social work or sports marketing. However, Wisconsin is suffering from what is known as a brain drain, wherein people with college degrees tend to leave for states with more progressive policies related to women, children, and freaks of all kinds. According to Walker, the best way to fix this brain drain is to issue more college diplomas, allowing college juniors to graduate early in order to go pro. “I learned that a below-average college student can go on to be the best governor since Ronald Reagan,” said Walker. “How many future Tommy Thompsons or Paul Ryans are stuck hating all of their liberal professors and addicted to high-speed streaming porn? Or even future Barack Obamas: hard-working immigrant Muslims who lack the funds to finish one more year and might then turn to radicalism.” The new degree will be sanctioned by the state and include such classes as True Americanism in History; Economics: No Government is Good Government; Real Heroes: Ronald Reagan; This Land is Our Land: A Revisionist History of Native Americans; Realistic Art; Black Studies: How Hip-Hop Ruined America; Women’s Studies: Stop Whining; News Media: How FOX News Saved Our Country; and many more still in the works. Since many college professors balk at the accelerated curriculum and conservative content, teachers will be appointed by the state if necessary. “If a professor cannot handle teaching an NRA-sponsored elective on gun safety and rights, we can find a fully-qualified high school graduate to man the helm,” said Walker. “The right education will allow all Wisconsinites to make informed decisions that will make our state a leader, not a follower. For example, our Gay Studies class will demonstrate how homosexuality is a disorder that can be treated, and that will lead to a lot of people getting better. And that's good for Wisconsin.” When asked if the courses being offered in the new Walker Degree would be politicized, the governor said they would not. “True education has no political party. Unlike the Common Core or liberal-minded professors, our classes will provide usable information and skills for all students. Our Business offering Outsourcing 101, for example, will give real instructions to real people on how to sell their ideas at a profit. That’s what students want out of college.” Walker has stated that all students who have earned at least 90 college credits since 1980 will also be given the Walker Degree, and that would include himself. “It’s more than an honorary degree,” he said. “This means that Wisconsin will finally recognize the hard work done by thousands of college attendees who could not pass up other opportunities. It means that hard working individuals, like myself, will not be punished for having loftier goals than spending four or more years listening to rhetoric from professors. And that means Wisconsin is moving forward.”
Wednesday, July 25, 2007 4894
Saddam Hussein has finally paid for his crimes against our government and way of life with his recent execution. Hussein also deserved to die for crimes against his own people, the people of Iraq, whom we hold so very dear. Yes, free Iraqi people everywhere, we stand with you in your desire to destroy your tyrannical overlord, who caused you much pain, death, and destruction. Americans everywhere can rejoice that a known supporter of corrupt government leaders is finally dead, and so can the Iraqis who were free to convict Saddam for being an evil-doer.

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