After many months of intense research in the field encompassing the areas of Alconomics, Shotology and Keg Studies I have once again returned bringing to light all the glories of my travels through the land of beer and cheese.

It became apparent that even after a night of excessive studies, buoyancy could not be achieved and that a life jacket is a wise choice when visiting the city of Jefferson, WI. A wonderful thing about the flooding is that you don’t have to pay for a new couch or desk these days as the street corners turned into mini-free garage sales.

A person is able to turn these semi-water-logged items into gold with the use of a computer and a little thing called eBay. Attach freshly-laundered tag line to any item and it turns into redneck gold.

With all these treasures to be had by the keen eye and weak sense of smell came the ability to fish in your front yard. There was no need to repeat the dreaded opening scene from the Andy Griffith show as all you had to do was cast a line over your sand-bagged front yard to catch a little supper.

Cletus Manchester, a local fisherman and adult club frequenter told RWN about his experience, “I hasn’t been able to get da boat out all year yet and nows all I gots to do is drop a line in my front yard.” Cletus proudly pointed to some of his prized carp he caught in his front yard.

The city had debated whether to turn the local park into an Olympic-sized outdoor pool, but the health department stepped in and said that it would be too much like Bradford Beach because of the water contamination.

FEMA was initially scared to visit the area due to the strong resemblance to a third world country. John Hambliss from FEMA told RWN, “I thought I had visited some remote village in India that was just looking for more US handouts.” They have since resumed talks with the townfolk of Jefferson and have decided to declare it a disaster area even against their better judgement.

Keep in mind that if you see rain forecasted while visiting the city of Jefferson that packing a life jacket and some sand bags won’t make you crazy, just logical.

Sunday, March 21, 2010 11813
Satan, Lucifer, the Devil. One being with many names and as many ways of claiming the souls of humans. However, the Father of all Lies has decided to destroy his contract for George W. Bush’s soul because of what the Evil One calls a breach of that contract.
Wednesday, May 06, 2015 7975
The new Nashotah Art Zeitgeist Institute will open Friday to provide the nearly 1500 residents of this village an opportunity to experience art in their own backyards. “We’re tired of having to drive to Milwaukee and pay for parking,” village resident Gina Povlofski said. “Now we’ll have our own art museum to compete with the one in Milwaukee. It’s really a win/win situation for us to have our own institute of fine arts.” The Institute will house art from local Waukesha County artists and will focus entirely on realism. Bob Heinman, president of the board of directors, explained, “Realism is the only art we should appreciate because it captures what we see and doesn’t try to fool us or persuade us.” The Nashotah Art Zeitgeist Institute will also not use any art from other countries because, according to Heinman, there is enough talent in Wisconsin, and foreigners really do not have much to add. He added that Molly Mulroony of Delafield has submitted a charcoal drawing depicting the Irish immigration experience, and will be highlighted as the foreign and minority piece at the institute. According to Heinman, the goal of the Nashotah Art Zeitgeist Institute is to allow people to appreciate good wholesome art in the suburban environment, without having to wait in long lines or be afflicted by depictions of violence or nudity. “Sure, we’ll have a hunter and his kill in a good number of the paintings, but nothing gratuitous,” said Heinman. “Death is part of nature, but depicting revolutions with blood splattering, or poverty-stricken children, is just too much. And sex; don’t even get me started on sex! There’s nothing artistic about a naked woman, and my wife agrees.” At the grand opening, residents are invited to bring any of their “pointless” art to the Nashotah Art Zeitgeist Institute Party Burn-a-thon, during which people will be allowed to throw their “avant-garde, new-age crap” onto a bonfire to raise money to buy artwork for the institute. All white male Christians and their spouses are welcome. Cheese and crackers will be served.

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