Rocky mountain high, Wisconsin! Yes, you’ve heard right. Now all the frost-brewed goodness is going to be brewed right here in the city known for people who forgot what it is to say, “When.”

Being the beer connoisseur that this writer is, seeing a merger such as this can only mean one thing…terrorists have finally gotten to the last thing that is truly holy and sacred in America.

Don’t be fooled by all the talk that this merger is what is best for the city and the two companies. Take Miller for instance, a good American cigarette company by the name of Phillip Morris owned it for a number of years and then sells out to company from South Africa. Too close to the Middle East for this writer’s likings.

Then once things appear to be running smoothly under this “South African” company and they decide with yet another American brewery so they can compete against Budweiser.

Think about it: if you were a terrorist, wouldn’t you be in support of having a beer nick named “the silver bullet.” Next thing we know they will develop something like a “Wisconsin Car Bomb” only it won’t involve the beer.

So, the next time your out conducting your own studies in the area of alconomics be sure and ask for something truly American…Wild Turkey!

Sunday, July 22, 2007 9441
The Cobeus tribe of South America, living deep in the Amazon and feeding occasionally on their enemies, have issued a press release that they are not interesting in devouring baseball great Barry Bonds. This may seem shocking because Bonds has a lot of muscle, which is more nutritious that fat. However, the Cobeus people do not want their meals tainted with steroids and avoid human flesh that has been tainted in any way. In a Real Wisconsin News exclusive, we have discovered that the tribe keeps a bulletin board with photos of people who are allowed safe passage through their domain. Keith Richards and Lindsay Lohan are amongst the celebrities posted. While the mammary is said to be the best meat available on a human, Lohan’s recent transgressions have made her off-limits, just like Bonds.
Thursday, September 11, 2014 11265
To be honest, that meteorologist on Channel 13 is kind of fat. She does know all about sleet, snow, hail, rain, and that kind of stuff. All things being equal, however, I’d rather see a real sexy lady offering up the kind of data that makes me hot, or cold, depending on the front.

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