Scott Walker's College DiplomaThe Wisconsin Minutemen, a Tea Party group from Washington County, have bestowed Scott Walker with an honorary college degree from The International College of Metaphysical Theology. John Murphy, representing the Minutemen, presented Walker with the honorary degree in the midst of the public condemnation of Walker's attacks on state employee unions. Said Murphy, "We wanted to once and for all end the rumors and accusations surrounding Scott Walker and his lack of education. He's doing exactly as he's been told, and that's what a good politician or student does."

 

Walker was nearly in tears as he addressed the crowd at The Original Pancake House in Brookfield. "This is a great day for God, my family, and for me. I am humbled by the gesture bestowed upon me by the Minutemen. While they may be minute in stature, they are certainly big men for giving me something that will help me in my quest to create a more better state. Little people and freaks of all kinds can be conservatives. God bless America!"

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Thursday, September 27, 2007 15127
An 18-year-old female student was arrested Sept. 5 on charges of theft of a mathematics textbook valued at $77. The woman walked past the cash register without paying. When asked if she was carrying any items she hadn't paid for, she said, "Yes."
Sunday, July 22, 2007 8416
The Cobeus tribe of South America, living deep in the Amazon and feeding occasionally on their enemies, have issued a press release that they are not interesting in devouring baseball great Barry Bonds. This may seem shocking because Bonds has a lot of muscle, which is more nutritious that fat. However, the Cobeus people do not want their meals tainted with steroids and avoid human flesh that has been tainted in any way. In a Real Wisconsin News exclusive, we have discovered that the tribe keeps a bulletin board with photos of people who are allowed safe passage through their domain. Keith Richards and Lindsay Lohan are amongst the celebrities posted. While the mammary is said to be the best meat available on a human, Lohan’s recent transgressions have made her off-limits, just like Bonds.

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