Walker's Republican GuardIn an effort to suppress DNR wardens and science teachers, Scott Walker has created a new Republican Guard for his administration. These are elite troops reporting directly to Walker. Since Walker is planning to enact systemic, widespread, and extremely grave violations of human rights, he knows he needs the protection of the Republican Guard from unruly librarians and DOT workers.

 

Walker plans on allowing full political participation for only the wealthiest 8%, and busting the labor unions is the first step in this measure. While the federal government still protects citizens' rights to assemble legally, Walker prefers allowing assembly only to express support for the government, and any slowdowns or absences to protest will be met with the firing of government employees.

 

The Republican Guard plans on creating check points in order to prevent ordinary citizens from traveling abroad without permission of Governor Walker, and females will need the escort of a male relative. Once order is established after the initial destruction of state unions, Walker plans to enact an Anfal Campaign against all labor unions in the state in order to lower the standard of living and create a business environment that is lucrative for the top 8%.

While workers in the state may be in store for harsh discipline if they do not work hard for less money, government supporters and family members will be immune from punishment for any such crimes. Reporters and government informants will be dealt with severely, though most reporters already make so little that they report their envy of union wages and benefits.

You will be able to distinguish the Republican Guard at checkpoints and in bodyguard detail by their red or Maroon berets and the red triangles worn on their sleeves. The new state motto will also be changed to, "With our blood, with our souls, we sacrifice for you, Scott Walker."

Wednesday, July 25, 2007 14629
Waterloo high school students have begun getting stoned instead of going to games on Friday nights. In light of all the regulations put down by the WIAA, students have decided their time was better suited “taking hits” from the bong instead of cheering their peers on the court. Kevin Valtrop told the local paper, “I’m just sick of going to the game and being told by the administration to be mindful of the opposing team’s feelings when we cheer.” Kevin could not understand why the cheer, “He grabbed our ball and touched my sac” was not appropriate for a group of hormone-raging teens to chant. The students are fed up and are staging a protest of Weedstock proportions.
Friday, April 18, 2008 18207
Doctors Without Borders to be renamed Doctors Without Porsches to more accurately reflect their mission. no real article, but the best are here

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