Men feel good around Sarah PalinGovernor Sarah Palin’s visit to the United Nations sparked a lively debate after she left, with leaders discussing how they would handle her as an elected official. While the mainstream media portrays Palin as a stupid hockey mom flirt, UN officials saw her as a woman with the potential to make lasting relationships with other countries.

Vladimir Putin, who stopped in to see his Alaskan neighbor, began the discussion when he asked to be recognized by General Assembly President Miguel D’Escoto. “Mr. President,” he said, “I just want say for record that I like give Mrs. Palin Gulag treatment.” With Putin’s sometimes strange behavior and ties to the KGB, Ambassador T. Vance McMahan of the United States asked Putin for clarification. Putin responded with, “Ah, Gulag is reverse Russian Ballerina position. Both stand, but Ballerina from behind and Gulag from front. Pretty face, I go from front.” The room remained silent for a number of minutes while translators scrambled to make sense of the statement and move past the embarrassment.

French President Nicolas Sarkozy, also at the initial meeting of the 63rd General Assembly, finally broke the silence. “I would not kick her out of bed for eating chocolate mousse… Is that not right, Chocolate Moose?” he said as he talked in the general direction of his midsection. Mild laughter followed Sarkozy’s revelation, but Afghan President Hamid Karzai demanded to be heard next.

Said Karzai, “Let me say that I just sat down and talked with Mrs. Palin and she would make a fine addition to any government office. And I am willing to give her knee pads so she will not get rug burn on my hand-woven rugs. And for his trouble, I give her husband a yak.” The chamber erupted with laughter.

British delegate William Blake asked to be heard as well, and he began,” Let us not diminish in any way the accomplishments of women, I say. In general extracurricular or with Mrs. Palin in particular. She has weathered the Alaskan storms and many Idaho dorms. But in this debate expeditionary, my choice is… missionary.”

“I like zee leather. Und maybe bottle or American baseball bat. Too far? Ach, you UN babies. You sink the German always goes too far. Always spanking us. ‘Naughty Germans,’ you say. ‘naughty.’ OK, fine, I get her drunk and fall asleep on her like American pretty-boys do to our sweet Munich girls during Octoberfest.”

His Excellency Archbishop Celestino Migliore, permanent UN observer of the Holy See, tried to quell the debate. “You know not what you say, my children. You speak not of love but of other things. You speak not of relationships but of bondage. You’d  really be best to get her by the custom of beasts. Aruuuh!”

The locker room-style banter continued for some time, but eventually (like watching dirty movies with your friends or demonizing President Bush for going to war for no purpose), the whole thing got kind of old, and everyone went home to search for pictures of Palin online.

Wednesday, July 25, 2007 38458
Art Critiques by Rainbow Meadows A man from Pewaukee was arrested April 4th for his new performance art exhibit at the Milwaukee Art Museum. Art critics have said that the form of performance art, known as artisto destructo and utilized by such well-known artists as John Cage and Yoko Ono, is little more than someone who is not artistic interacting with art. The piece at the Milwaukee Art Museum, however, involved a man called “Pewaukee Man” ripping down "The Triumph of David" by Ottavio Vannini and putting his foot through the painting, valued at $300,000. Pewaukee Man’s work, entitled “David and Goliath’s Goliath” was no mere angry tirade, but a work of performance art that may turn the art world upside down.
Sunday, December 18, 2016 23082
Mere days after the company that owns Jagermeister liqueur accused the Milwaukee Bucks of using a deer logo too similar in design to its own deer head, Jesus of Nazareth has joined the dispute by claiming Jagermeister 's logo is not without fault. According to Jesus, "I said unto the people @Jagermeister in a tweet, 'Forgive them Father, for they know not what they do.' I sometimes kind of imply meaning instead of coming out and saying it, so my lawyers have suggested I explain what I meant." Jesus said that his legal team sent notice to Jagermeister stating that it's use of the Christian Cross logo was an infringement. Furthermore, it states that permission for use of the cross in logos for alcoholic beverages had been revoked, with the exception of red table wine and beers bottled by monks. Jesus' legal team, headed by Adam Steinberg, added some details: "Generally, Jesus prefers to turn the other cheek when it comes to any misuse of Christian icons. However, Jagermeister's singling out of the Milwaukee Bucks drew the ire of not only the Son but also the Father. Quoth Jesus, "Dad was like, 'they have logo copyrights to a deer head? Next they will claim to own all the logos with sparrows or lilies of the field.'" While it's true the new Bucks logo has some similarities to the deer head in question, it is also true that God is sick and tired of endless litigation requiring sworn statements. To a lesser degree, the use of religious icons for clearly non religious purposes has been a pet peeve of Jesus for at least a millennia. "I don't know what Jagermeister wants to say about Me, but to imply I support Jagerbombs and the immoral behavior associated with binge drinking is an incorrect assumption on the part of the company. At least the Milwaukee Bucks logo uses a cute implied basketball on top of the deer's rack rather than a symbol incongruous with their mission." A spokesman for the Bucks said, "We were copying the Bulls logo and had no intention to steal any other logo. I mean, how many ways can a freakin' deer be drawn?" Jesus agrees; sayeth the Lord, "The logo is not implying it's some kind of false god. It's just a deer with a basketball. This does not offend Me."

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