Would you trust your teenage daughter with Barack?While Barack Obama leads in many polls, he will have trouble overtaking John McCain in one part of the polls: trust. Specifically, people would not trust Obama with commanding the military, meeting with foreign leaders, or their daughters. A recent Real Wisconsin News poll backs up those previously released by CNN, Fox, Gallup, and a blogger named Jeff.

While most Americans claim they are “color blind” and that many of their best friends are black, the poll suggests Obama’s race may play some role in the lack of trust. In fact, for the first time ever, some people are saying they will not vote for Obama based on race. In response, Obama’s campaign has released an ad calling attention to McCain’s Irish ancestry. The voiceover in the commercial claims, “Once upon a time in American history, black men were slaves and Irishmen were indentured servants. In fact, many Americans would not even let an Irishman into their homes, while they allowed blacks to work with their families. This November, let a black man work for you in the White House…better than a Mick and you won’t have to hide the keys to the liquor cabinet.”

The recent telephone poll conducted by Real Wisconsin News reveals, however, that regardless of McCain’s heritage, Americans still have issues with race. We will reproduce a sampling of the questions and answers here:

Which candidate would you trust more as commander of our military? McCain-70% ; Obama-30%

Which candidate would you rather see meet with foreign leaders? McCain-65% ; Obama-35%

Which candidate would you trust with your daughter? McCain-90% ; Obama-10%

Which candidate scares you more? McCain-30% ; Obama-70%

Are Irish people more scary or funny? Scary-20% ; Funny-80%

Which candidate would you hide your purse/wallet from? McCain-12% ; Obama-88%

Which candidate would win in a basketball game? McCain 12% ; Obama-88%

Which candidate would be more likely to have cheated on a spouse? McCain-35% ; Obama-65%

Would you not vote for a certain candidate because of race? Yes-5% ; No-95%

Are white people genetically smarter than blacks? Yes-15% ; No-85%

Are black people genetically better at sports than whites? Yes-60% ; No-40%

Is ‘Chocolate Prez’ a good nickname for Obama, if elected? Yes-15% ; No-85%

Should Michelle Obama be called “The First Black Lady”? Yes-50% ; No-50%

Tuesday, February 12, 2008 5340
Real Wisconsin New's editorial staff after much painstaking drunken debate has come to the conclusion that of the four major political candidates left running for President, only Mike Huckabee is likely to lead us to Armageddon. Therefore, primarily at the behest of Beav who has a soft spot for evangelical-right-wing-nut-jobs with good TV smiles, Real Wisconsin News endorses " Anybody But Huckabee ."
Sunday, May 25, 2008 40107
Weeks after film star and National Rifle Association spokesman Charlton Heston died, authorities were finally able to separate him from his gun. Mr. Heston had apparently been sleeping with the 1873 Winchester Rifle, sometimes claiming he was “going home” with the gun. Unfortunately and ironically, Heston cannot be buried with the gun because of state laws, and because he had promised the gun to the NRA to be auctioned off. In an interview with Real Wisconsin News, NRA President John C. Sigler said that he felt terrible that they had to exhume the body and pry the gun from Heston’s hands, but since the law had forbade the burial and an eBay auction would likely pay his salary for the year, the only choice was to “retrieve the gun for the rights of all mankind.” California had initially allowed the burial to take place, with authorities assuming the rifle was a replica used to signify Heston’s allegiance to the NRA, not a loaded, fully-functioning rifle that nobody could pry away from the Hollywood star. California Attorney General Edmund G. Brown Jr. said that people can be buried with pretty much whatever they please, but when it’s a loaded gun, the standard grave robberies that happen to all of the stars’ bodies takes on a more sinister note. “Each Hollywood legend gets dug back up at least once—you know, some deranged fan or grave-robber, hoping the celebrity’s family didn’t take every last jewelry item to the local pawn shop. However, it’s against the California state penal code to leave a loaded weapon right where kids could get at it, and people often use the kids to go down in the holes they dig to the caskets. And let me tell you, some of the things people do to those celebrities makes me glad I’m a lawyer and not a star, and that says a lot coming from a lawyer.” One detail that complicated the retrieval of the gun was the fact that Heston had been buried in his gun safe, and instead of the normal pry-open-wearing-a-mask scenario, the Beverly Hills SWAT Team had to be called in to set C4 explosives on the safe. “It was a top-of-the-line model,” said Brown. “Actually, had we known exactly what Mr. Heston was buried in, we may not have attempted the exhumation, but no one at the funeral really thought the casket was a real gun safe, either.” The gun was finally retrieved, as was most of Mr. Heston. The state of California poured concrete over the safe in order to ensure the privacy Heston desired was still intact, and the gun was unloaded and given to the NRA. “Actually, the C4 did a pretty good job of severing one hand from the gun,” said Brown, “but we did have to pry it out of the other hand. I gained a lot of respect for Charlton Heston today.”

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