The possible next vice president of the United States has proven that abstinence-only education works in schools and for families, especially for other people’s families, and the proof is in the fact that fewer youngsters know much about sex before they have it.

 

While some people believe that sex education helps young people understand the risks of teen pregnancy, sexually transmitted diseases, and catty behavior amongst their peers, Palin and others feel that learning about sex only encourages teens to have sex at a younger age. Supporters of abstinence-only education feel that the home is the right place to avoid learning about sex, and the issues such as teen pregnancy and social diseases are not the concern of government but of families.

When asked by Real Wisconsin News how the daughter of a socially-conservative politician could get pregnant at a young age, Palin said, “Bill Clinton and his public escapades gave children the wrong impression about sex, and unregulated television and internet broadcasts allow children access to material they should not see. This is a problem a strong socially-conservative administration can regulate more fully. My daughter is the victim of a morally-corrupt society that uses sex to sell everything from condoms to beer.”

Palin continued, “My daughter will finish high school and marry the young man who also is a victim of society. While they did not wait until marriage to have sex and may suffer eternal damnation, we are proud of her for keeping the child and we are way more proud to be grandparents. Our daughter will learn a valuable lesson about not having sex from this experience, and whatever does not cause us to disown her will make her stronger in the end. Besides, she will be reminded of her sin every morning at 2:00 and 5:30 for the first three months.”

Real Wisconsin News asked Mrs. Palin if lines such as “You can’t get pregnant the first time” or “Everyone else is doing it” were used on her daughter. She responded, “As I said, because of morally-corrupt Democrats, everyone IS doing it, and obviously you can’t get pregnant the first time, so they must have been done it at least twice. Since women cannot get pregnant while on top or standing up, they, you get the picture. And she obviously did not immediately take a shower or urinate, or jump backwards nine times before the sun came up, probably because those heathen pornographic programs the children somehow get access to in other parents’ homes never demonstrate proven contraceptive behaviors, and we were waiting to talk to her about it until she was twenty-three. It’s not like WE let her do anything more than hold hands and exchange promise rings with her boyfriend, but the liberal media continually bombards children with ideas that saving yourself until marriage is just silly.”

When asked about the situation, Obama said that families are off-limits, which may seem like a strange strategy to take versus a socially-conservative candidate running on a platform of idealistic morals and ethics. “Hey,” Obama said, “we don’t need another Dick-Cheney-lesbian-daughter fiasco. When he told Edwards he’d crossed the line, Democrats realized we couldn’t make moral issues the Republicans force on others about their own families, because that’s off-limits.”

Real Wisconsin News also asked the governor if she had learned anything from her family’s situation that will help her as president when McCain succumbs to old-age. “I learned that when people tell you they’re ‘studying’ in their room, you should check on them every once in a while. I learned that the FCC needs to be more Christian in its decision-making. I learned that we need education reform because abstinence-only education is not being taught in our schools as well as it should be. And finally, I learned that we cannot blame ourselves for the problems obviously caused by others, and we just have to maintain the same values and stay the course.

When asked why McCain chose Palin even though he knew about the pregnancy, McCain campaign manager Rick Davis said, “The reality is that people get excited about young people having sex, and the pregnancy should catapult the McCain/Palin ticket to the presidency. Besides, all we have to do is tell the Democrats that they can’t talk about it because families are off-limits, and they run like the cowards they are. Our GOP operatives and Fox News have become near-perfect at spinning public opinion, and this is no different. Palin’s a working mom who can’t be with her daughter every second of every day, which makes her ‘more human.’ Bush won two elections because people saw him as human instead of just stupid.”

 

Saturday, March 08, 2008 11726
In a surprise deployment decision, the British have pulled out of the city of Peterborough, England because of homeland attacks on their troops. While the nearby air base will remain operational, the troops have been advised to not enter the city wearing their uniforms because of a barrage of verbal attacks launched by citizens who oppose the war effort.
Thursday, December 20, 2018 10878
The city of West Allis, after years of trying really hard, has decided to give up. The city has been ridiculed by others for some time, and though giving up never seemed to be an option before, it recently read an article about why people give up that made all the difference. "I was just searching the internet at the West Allis Public library when I found this article about why people give up," West Allis said in a recent interview. "I identified with those same concerns, but I just didn't see a way to avoid surrendering, so I did." Here's the list of reasons people give up and why West Allis has decided to join the throngs of humans who have done the same: 1. They want the outcome more than they want to obtain a skill. People want to get a better job without knowing how to do that job. It's easy if you have a rich uncle who owns a family business, but West Allis's richest uncle (Milwaukee) can barely keep things together. West Allis wants to be seen as a place for young couples to raise their families, but the small homes and weird neighbors are not welcoming to young professionals. "I tried building some nice, new apartments, but Milwaukee and Wauwatosa were doing the same thing, and that's where people want to be," claims West Allis. 2. They care too much about what people think (and fear judgment in failure). West Allis gets ridiculed by the big city next to it and other suburbs alike. "You think it doesn't hurt when you say 'Dirty Stallis' or chant 'Westallions!' while your team pummels our high school team, but it does hurt. Words hurt, Brookfield," says West Allis. Back when West Allis could still win at high school sports and had industries that were not shuddered, the residents could point to the scoreboard or laugh on their walk to work, but years of judgment for perceived failure has turned into more years of judgment for actual failure. "I keep the roads plowed and the streets relatively safe, but people still think there's something wrong here," said the city. 3. They mistake failure for lessons learned. West Allis claims that it has learned lessons over the years, like when the school system basically went bankrupt. The problem is that the lesson, even if it was learned, doesn't get enrollment up, and there's still no money. "People don't want to send their kids to our schools, then the schools blow through money faster than a North Shore patron at Heartbreakers, so now there's no money and no kids, so there's no lesson," says the inner-ring suburb. "That's failure, right?" 4. They would rather throw in the towel than pivot. West Allis claims it has tried to pivot before, like turning the former Allis-Chalmers plant into a high-end shopping center and business park. "We couldn't help that Kmart, Dollar Tree, and Burlington didn't bring in the fancy shoppers from out of the area," argues the city. "We even call it the 'Towne Center' to make it seem fancier. The next step would be to call it the Towne Centre, but whatever. I'm done pivoting." 5. They do not have the discipline to stick with their idea long enough to see it live. West Allis says it has stuck to the idea of an affordable community minutes from nicer communities for years. "The problem is that people still want to move on up to The Falls or West Bend or Muskego," says the towne. "Those people who move out there have nicer homes and schools, and lower taxes, and nicer air quality, and fewer problems with their neighbors, but..., aw forget it!" 6. They get distracted by what someone else is doing. "Hell, yeah, I get distracted by all the nice amenities going in around the area while I'm stuck with Hobo and an old-ass Menards store being my main draw to residents from other areas," admits Stallis. People come here to buy used cars from stereotypical used car salesmen, and then they get those cars serviced by one of my many auto shops, and then they stop to get a drink at one of my many bars, and then they go home." 7. They don't believe in themselves enough. "You know what, I used to believe. This was a city founded on the belief that every factory worker could live in his own home with nice built-ins and even stained-glass windows on a 45 x 120 lot, near parks and schools. It's the people who don't believe in that model anymore. They want half-acre lots and houses with usable basements and no glass on the sidewalks. If that's what it's come to, I don't want to believe!" West Allis has said it will continue to be a city until a suitable replacement is named. It plans to become a senior-living community in Florida when that occurs.

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