New College Plan To Reflect Walker's Own College Career The new three-year Walker Degree to be offered at state colleges and universities is part of Scott Walker’s plan to bolster Wisconsin’s already elite standing as a top college state. The plan, expected to provide employers with a considerable increase in available college graduates, will also provide many students who gave up because they were either stupid or unmotivated another chance to succeed. Walker says it’s a win-win for the state of Wisconsin. Studies that go unread by most students who drop out of college indicate that most students who drop out maintained a lower GPA than those who remained in school. These studies also indicate that students who study and take school seriously stand a better chance of graduating, even if they are only going for a degree as simplistic as social work or sports marketing. However, Wisconsin is suffering from what is known as a brain drain, wherein people with college degrees tend to leave for states with more progressive policies related to women, children, and freaks of all kinds. According to Walker, the best way to fix this brain drain is to issue more college diplomas, allowing college juniors to graduate early in order to go pro. “I learned that a below-average college student can go on to be the best governor since Ronald Reagan,” said Walker. “How many future Tommy Thompsons or Paul Ryans are stuck hating all of their liberal professors and addicted to high-speed streaming porn? Or even future Barack Obamas: hard-working immigrant Muslims who lack the funds to finish one more year and might then turn to radicalism.” The new degree will be sanctioned by the state and include such classes as True Americanism in History; Economics: No Government is Good Government; Real Heroes: Ronald Reagan; This Land is Our Land: A Revisionist History of Native Americans; Realistic Art; Black Studies: How Hip-Hop Ruined America; Women’s Studies: Stop Whining; News Media: How FOX News Saved Our Country; and many more still in the works. Since many college professors balk at the accelerated curriculum and conservative content, teachers will be appointed by the state if necessary. “If a professor cannot handle teaching an NRA-sponsored elective on gun safety and rights, we can find a fully-qualified high school graduate to man the helm,” said Walker. “The right education will allow all Wisconsinites to make informed decisions that will make our state a leader, not a follower. For example, our Gay Studies class will demonstrate how homosexuality is a disorder that can be treated, and that will lead to a lot of people getting better. And that's good for Wisconsin.” When asked if the courses being offered in the new Walker Degree would be politicized, the governor said they would not. “True education has no political party. Unlike the Common Core or liberal-minded professors, our classes will provide usable information and skills for all students. Our Business offering Outsourcing 101, for example, will give real instructions to real people on how to sell their ideas at a profit. That’s what students want out of college.” Walker has stated that all students who have earned at least 90 college credits since 1980 will also be given the Walker Degree, and that would include himself. “It’s more than an honorary degree,” he said. “This means that Wisconsin will finally recognize the hard work done by thousands of college attendees who could not pass up other opportunities. It means that hard working individuals, like myself, will not be punished for having loftier goals than spending four or more years listening to rhetoric from professors. And that means Wisconsin is moving forward.”

by Dan Brubus We’ve won against the big Union bosses and fat-cat public school teachers! The rest is spitting in their eyes and pissing on their graves. Some of you teachers are calling the latest measure ironic, but most of us don’t care or care to know what ironic means. I make triple what the priciest greedy teacher ever made and I don’t know what irony is. That goes to show that I’m smart, like Scott Walker, and teachers are dumb, like teenagers. The newest proposal to relax teaching requirements is simply brilliant because it’s wasn’t even on anyone’s radar. Total decoy, thrown in for those high-school-in-a-box companies that want to take over MPS. Station a few minimum-wage guards at the door. Sure, great if it passes, but the idea was take some of the heat off the other proposals. The ones that rip the guts out of school districts after we’ve already hijacked the greedy teachers’ will to fight. No limits on vouchers. The eventual goal is no limits for any income or place or anything. Blank check for mom and dad. Send the kids to a religious school if you want government cheese for God. Send them to Brookfield Academy if you want to spend an extra ten thousand over the voucher. The day is soon on this one, and in the same way Walmart put the local shops out of business, the same will happen in education. Walschool. The drain on the public schools won’t put them completely out of business right away, so a few measures have been inserted in the state budget to help them along. One is to allow all private and home schooled kids play sports with the public schools. Hey, their parents already pay big taxes to overpaid teachers, so their kids should get some kind of benefit. Besides, a lot of public schools are having trouble fielding teams because parents don’t want to send their kids to poor institutions, so they’ll need the players. The budget will end Chapter 220 and SAGE, both measures that tried to fix failing schools through smaller class sizes and integration. Many reputable studies have shown that smaller class sizes do nothing to help learning and that multiculturalism is just a myth. The expansion of charter schools would also be great if the new teacher licensing proposal does pass, but it’s not really necessary, since public school employees make about double what their former co-workers who have been laid off since Act 10 will take to do the same job, so it means more Walschools. Efficient, fiscally-responsible Walschools. Teaching beyond the Common Core and its lies. Teaching America how it’s done in Wisconsin. Showing the nation who’s driving the pickup if Scott Walker becomes the next president. And then it’s on to a national standard for teacher licensure. Maybe a new college standard, too. GED? Teach Women’s Studies. Middle school dropout? Teach economics. The point is it doesn’t matter. I went to college for four years, partied it up, got a job with a wealthy family member making wealth for the wealthy, and that all any of us need. I mean, Scott Walker, one of the great leaders of our time, couldn’t handle the rigors of college so he went on to become rich and powerful instead. That’s the American way, unwanted immigrants and those who would take away my right to own an assault rifle to protect my stockpiled food cache.