In a surprise declaration, the State Department has added its own government to its list of top human rights violators after the release of documents proving the use of enhanced interrogation techniques against captured suspected members of Al-Qaeda. A State Department spokesman said, “The United States government has proven once again that it ignores all international laws and standards, as well as the Constitution, in its own interest, both here and abroad." 

 

President Bush has maintained that the fact that the country was at war and that the interrogations took place overseas trumps any international jurisdiction over the torture techniques. However, the State Department argues that most countries only usurp the rights of their own citizens, while America has been clear that it wants to usurp the rights of all citizens, including its own.

 

The State Department also points to the loss of American rights over the past several years. “Citizens in America do not enjoy the rights they once had,” a department press release concludes. “American citizens have lost more rights over the years than citizens from Syria ever had, which makes our government’s crimes against human rights that much worse.” The State Department points to the Patriot Act as the most visible piece of legislation taking away American rights, but also notes unauthorized wiretaps, wholesale monitoring of the internet (yes, they know you’re reading this article), and the sneaky implementation of the national ID cards. The State Department also cited military access to high school records, as well as extended government access to medical records.

 “Think about it,” said on State Department official, “the US government has more information either on file or at their fingertips about each and every one of us than the Burmese government could possibly compile about one insurgent. When a person in Zimbabwe wants to add a corrugated tin addition to his hut, do you think he gets a permit and an inspector, or that his DIY internet plans are monitored?”

While China was recently left off the list because it has too many citizens and not enough pirated software to monitor them with, the United States has begun the process of keeping tabs on all its citizens. “This is a land where men used to be able to keep a secret wife and family in another state if he really wanted to, but now that’s pretty much impossible.”

 Here is the current list of the State Department’s human rights violators: North Korea, Burma, Iran, Syria, Zimbabwe, Cuba, Belarus, Uzbekistan, The United States, and Sudan.
Tuesday, February 07, 2017 6013
The following is a list of news items not covered by media outlets and brought to our attention by the White House. Bowling Green, May 2011 What happened : In the first major terrorist cover up by the media as directed by terrorist supporter in chief Barack Hussein Obamadan, two Iraqi men were arrested after a rampage that left dozens of people in what is known as the Bowling Green Massacre. These men were later released into your town and are planning their next attack. Riyadh, January 2015 What happened : It's not clear. There are no reports of an attack in the Saudi capital that month, which is because the reports were covered up by the failing, lying press. What is clear is that something happened, and our thoughts and prayers go out to those affected. Paris, April 2015 What happened : There were no terror attacks in the French capital this month. However, nearly six million French people are buried in the catacombs under Paris. All these deaths can’t be explained away by a media bent on not covering terrorism. President Trump has indicated that we are one united world order, intent on tracking down and killing terrorists responsible for these millions of French people killed by terrorism and forgotten by their own country. El Gora, Egypt, September 2015 What happened : It is not clear. Donald Trump has used satellite imagery and his vast technological experience to point out large, square structures that have been built in Egypt, possibly to house terrorists. These square structures have four triangles inside the square, presumably to deflect and confuse American smart bombs. El Gora, Egypt, October 2015 What happened : It is unclear what incident this entry on the list refers to. However, something did, in fact, happen, and that’s what the media wants you not to believe. The White House knows what happened, and the people involved know who they are, so they have been put on notice that they will be hunted down Kuwait City, 2016 What happened : In between attacks that occurred in October 2016, the White House simply listed "Kuwait City, Kuwait" with no date. There were no attacks there at this time, but people who had reasons certainly considered those reasons, and a media with reasons chose not to report about the terrorists and their reasons. Reason enough to believe something DID happen. Malmo, Sweden, October 2016 What happened : A fire at a community center that caused only minor damage was claimed by IS. Most of the media giants refused to cover this disaster. More than likely, fires at senior centers, community centers, churches, and other places that Americans and Swedes gather to play cards and rail against terrorists are the responsibility of terrorists, and not some old guy with arthritis trying to light a cigar in the storage closet. Manila, Philippines, November 2016 What happened: There was no Islamist attack in the city in this month, but the discovery of a suspected bomb outside the US embassy was linked to IS. Had this bomb detonated, it would have been a terrorist attack that would have counted as an attack the media refused to cover, had the media not covered said attack, which is a tragedy. Horrible, fake news. N'Djamena, Chad, November 2016 What happened : There were some reports of shots having been fired at the US embassy by an unknown perpetrator on 30 November. While we all know that drunk people with guns do not always amount to major terrorist situations, especially when the embassy itself reports it as a mere security situation, it’s also evident that the media could have blown this situation up to be a major attack on an embassy in yet another African nation. Like those barely reported in Egypt, Libya, Yemen, and Tunisia by the moneybags, lying media. A media that might point out the Yemen is not technically part of Africa. Shame!
Tuesday, July 24, 2007 6750
Be sure to cast your ballots for Prince William in the Cosmo Sexiest Man Alive voting. He is obviously so much hotter than the other princes, and because he's royalty, he doesn't actually get votes on a normal basis like the Kennedys or Brad Pitt, so he'll appreciate your support. Really, is there a better Prince anywhere? Every time I see him in one of my magazines, my knees go weak thinking about him asking me to the prom or something. I know it's just a dream, but if baseball players can dream of hitting homeruns and little girls can dream of unicorns, I can dream about Prince William riding to my house on a white horse to meet my parents before the prom.

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