British military personnelIn a surprise deployment decision, the British have pulled out of the city of Peterborough, England because of homeland attacks on their troops. While the nearby air base will remain operational, the troops have been advised to not enter the city wearing their uniforms because of a barrage of verbal attacks launched by citizens who oppose the war effort.

According to the AP, “It’s like Christina Aguillera wearing a Catholic schoolgirl outfit at a construction site.” While Britain remains steadfast as a coalition member in Iraq and Afghanistan, the government may have to pull back some of their troops to maintain order at home.

If you are interested in mounting your own verbal assault on soldiers in your community, here’s the Real Wisconsin News Guide to Verbally Assaulting Military Personnel (RWNGVAMP):

  1. Ask military personnel if they learned anything useful in the service. When they talk about hard work, dedication, discipline, and the like, laugh at them and say, “Those aren’t exactly the American ideals you were fighting for.”
  2. Salute them incessantly. When they ask you to stop, claim they’re trying to suppress your rights as a free American and chain yourself to the bar stool.
  3. In a public restroom, ask permission to do everything, as in: “Permission to take a leak, sir? Permission to shake it, sir? Permission to wash my hands, sir? Permission to exit latrine, sir?”
  4. Call Marines “soldiers.” When they correct you, keep doing it. Then run away quickly.
  5. Offer to pay for their drinks at a bar. When they thank you, say, “With what you make and how you manage your money, you can use all the help you can get.”
  6. Go into a recruiting office, fill out all the paperwork, sign on the dotted line, and then say, “Yeah, right, like I’d do that!” and walk out.
Thursday, March 27, 2008 13490
With the recent scrutiny of Barack Obama’s minister’s seemingly insane comments about race and politics, Americans are looking for guidance as to what those comments mean for a follower of the minister’s church. While Barack Obama has distanced himself from Rev. Jeremiah Wright, even going so far as to “condemn” those comments, the fact remains that religious leaders have been saying some crazy-a$$ $h1t for years.
Wednesday, May 06, 2015 8216
The new Nashotah Art Zeitgeist Institute will open Friday to provide the nearly 1500 residents of this village an opportunity to experience art in their own backyards. “We’re tired of having to drive to Milwaukee and pay for parking,” village resident Gina Povlofski said. “Now we’ll have our own art museum to compete with the one in Milwaukee. It’s really a win/win situation for us to have our own institute of fine arts.” The Institute will house art from local Waukesha County artists and will focus entirely on realism. Bob Heinman, president of the board of directors, explained, “Realism is the only art we should appreciate because it captures what we see and doesn’t try to fool us or persuade us.” The Nashotah Art Zeitgeist Institute will also not use any art from other countries because, according to Heinman, there is enough talent in Wisconsin, and foreigners really do not have much to add. He added that Molly Mulroony of Delafield has submitted a charcoal drawing depicting the Irish immigration experience, and will be highlighted as the foreign and minority piece at the institute. According to Heinman, the goal of the Nashotah Art Zeitgeist Institute is to allow people to appreciate good wholesome art in the suburban environment, without having to wait in long lines or be afflicted by depictions of violence or nudity. “Sure, we’ll have a hunter and his kill in a good number of the paintings, but nothing gratuitous,” said Heinman. “Death is part of nature, but depicting revolutions with blood splattering, or poverty-stricken children, is just too much. And sex; don’t even get me started on sex! There’s nothing artistic about a naked woman, and my wife agrees.” At the grand opening, residents are invited to bring any of their “pointless” art to the Nashotah Art Zeitgeist Institute Party Burn-a-thon, during which people will be allowed to throw their “avant-garde, new-age crap” onto a bonfire to raise money to buy artwork for the institute. All white male Christians and their spouses are welcome. Cheese and crackers will be served.

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