Listen you morons, my brains are this big, really, they are!BREAKING NEWS!!!

Green Bay Packers General Manager Ted Thompson made a somewhat surprising and extremely strong case for "Asshole of the Year" in Wisconsin by shooing Hall of Fame Superbowl Quarterback Brett Favre out the door from the Green Bay Packers this month. 

Thompson had previously been thought to have had no chance of winning the prestigious award due to building a competitive Packer's squad through the draft in a relatively short time.  However, in alienating Brett Favre to the point of retirement, it is likely that there is no way he can avoid the 2008 award, and probably 2009 award to become only the second multiple winner.  Thompson took a sizable lead on his competition which included the three stooges of Milwaukee Bucks basketball of Larry Harris, Larry Krystowiak and Herb Kohl, Milwaukee Mayor Tom Barrett for becoming invisible on all important city issues, annual candidate and six time winner Mike McGee Jr. and several murderers.  Academy voters speculate now, that the only possible way for anyone to wrestle the award from Thompson would be if Brewer's GM Doug Melvin traded away Prince Fielder, Yovani Gallardo, Ryan Braun and Cory Hart for a slick hairpiece and some nachos, or if Governor Doyle realized his dream of seceding from the Union and expand the People's Republic of Madison to encompass the entire state.

Thompson's Asshole run is ironic as it had also been anticipated that he would be nominated for "Man of the Year" for his rejuvenation of the Green Bay Packers.  The about face is possibly due to the expectation that in professional sports when a team is close to winning a championship, that team's general manager usually uses the proven strategy of fortifying his team with a few key parts, generally on the expensive side, to get the best chance of making a championship run while his stars are still capable.  Thompson however has decided to take a completely different approach.  In an effort to continue rebuilding the Green Bay Packers in his ficticious image of the Superbowl Champion Seattle Seahawks, Thompson has decided to trade away a core defensive lineman for a draft choice, not pay for Randy Moss or any other needed players and follow it up with his coup de gras of shooing the beloved Favre out the door. 

Thompson's assholishness has been hinted at by several players and former Packer VP Andrew Brandt, as well as heavily suspected by Beav's dad.  The greater Packer nation, as well as the over-rated Bob Harlan however, have been willing to overlook the evidence of Thompson's assholery due to some good (not great) draft results.  But as it turns out, apparently Ted Thompsen really is an arrogant fuck prone to making mistakes borne out of his own hubris and self-delusional view of his own brilliance.  One source who is an advisor to the Packers board, we'll call him Bud to protect his identity, said that Thompson reminded him of former Brewers GM Dean Taylor, "yeah, Ted is a good scout, and he knows to draft a lot of guys so a few extra turn out, but he has no idea how to get over the hump." 

Real Wisconsin News has learned from Scott Favre, Favre's agent Bus Cook and Favre's personal reporter Al Jones that Favre's decision to retire stemmed primarily from his frustration with Ted Thompson not spending to add a few key players in an effort to win a Superbowl in 2007 or 2008, notably Randy Moss, as well as Ted's refusal to even take one swing from Favre's jock.  According to Favre, Thompson had intimated that he would attempt to make a Superbowl run with Favre at quarterback similar to what was done in Denver near the end of John Elway's career, but has not followed through with acquiring a few players to make that run, infuriating Favre.  Beav speculates this was all a part of Thompson's plan to be rid of Favre in favor of superstar draft pick Aaron John Kitna Rodgers.

Many believe that Ted Thompson's good drafts have gotten the Green Bay Packers close to being a great team.  However, good teams generally don't win Championships without a superstar or two leading them.  Without Favre, the Packers were likely 3 or 4 games worse each of the past two seasons.  So, with NFL Scouts saying the Packers lack great players, though they do have a lot of good ones, how good are they really going to be in 2008 without Favre.  According to one of Beav's best Las Vegas sources, "bet against the Pack boys, they'll be favored to win because of last year, but they ain't gonna cover often and are gonna lose a lot outright." 

Ironically, the last team Thompson worked for never won a Superbowl and only got there once, largely because they never had a great quarterback, somebody like say Brett Favre.  In fact, when the Seahawks had an opening for GM, they did not give the job to Thompson despite his work there on the Seahawks drafts in previous years.  So, now without a great quarterback, all apologies to the thrice injured Aaron Rogers, the Packers can continue their quest to be the Seattle Seahawks.  Thompson's only hope for avoiding the award is for the Packers to win the Superbowl in 2008 or 2009; which probably only happens if Brett Favre can be convinced to overlook Thompson's assholedouchebaggery and come back to the team.

Wednesday, July 25, 2007 15005
At a time when radical factions tend to push away from one another, Valentine’s Day has brought together three groups that are often at odds with one another. Protests erupted in India on Valentine’s Day, as radical Hindus of the Shiv Sena Neighborhood Watch Organization and radical Muslims of the Forum Against Social Evil demonstrated outside local restaurants offering Valentine’s Day specials. The Shiv Senas declared, "Death to Valentine's Day" and "People who celebrate Valentine's Day should be pelted with shoes!
Saturday, October 13, 2007 18405
The Milwaukee Bucks have used their 2007 NBA lottery draft pick to help the team win the lottery next year. The choice of Yi Jianlian, who does not even want to play for the team, should help to propel them to the worst record in the NBA, setting the stage for a few more chances to land next year’s top pick. While Jianlian has been compared to Toni Kukoc, mostly for his abilities in English as a Second Language, he will become another power forward to the frontcourt, allowing Charlie Villanueva to move to his natural position on the bench. Yi’s presence will also allow Andrew Bogut to continue to focus on automobile dealerships commercials rather than becoming a dominant force on the inside.

Donate to Scott Walker Without a Trace

Donate using PayPal

Designed by Passive Ninja