Listen you morons, my brains are this big, really, they are!BREAKING NEWS!!!

Green Bay Packers General Manager Ted Thompson made a somewhat surprising and extremely strong case for "Asshole of the Year" in Wisconsin by shooing Hall of Fame Superbowl Quarterback Brett Favre out the door from the Green Bay Packers this month. 

Thompson had previously been thought to have had no chance of winning the prestigious award due to building a competitive Packer's squad through the draft in a relatively short time.  However, in alienating Brett Favre to the point of retirement, it is likely that there is no way he can avoid the 2008 award, and probably 2009 award to become only the second multiple winner.  Thompson took a sizable lead on his competition which included the three stooges of Milwaukee Bucks basketball of Larry Harris, Larry Krystowiak and Herb Kohl, Milwaukee Mayor Tom Barrett for becoming invisible on all important city issues, annual candidate and six time winner Mike McGee Jr. and several murderers.  Academy voters speculate now, that the only possible way for anyone to wrestle the award from Thompson would be if Brewer's GM Doug Melvin traded away Prince Fielder, Yovani Gallardo, Ryan Braun and Cory Hart for a slick hairpiece and some nachos, or if Governor Doyle realized his dream of seceding from the Union and expand the People's Republic of Madison to encompass the entire state.

Thompson's Asshole run is ironic as it had also been anticipated that he would be nominated for "Man of the Year" for his rejuvenation of the Green Bay Packers.  The about face is possibly due to the expectation that in professional sports when a team is close to winning a championship, that team's general manager usually uses the proven strategy of fortifying his team with a few key parts, generally on the expensive side, to get the best chance of making a championship run while his stars are still capable.  Thompson however has decided to take a completely different approach.  In an effort to continue rebuilding the Green Bay Packers in his ficticious image of the Superbowl Champion Seattle Seahawks, Thompson has decided to trade away a core defensive lineman for a draft choice, not pay for Randy Moss or any other needed players and follow it up with his coup de gras of shooing the beloved Favre out the door. 

Thompson's assholishness has been hinted at by several players and former Packer VP Andrew Brandt, as well as heavily suspected by Beav's dad.  The greater Packer nation, as well as the over-rated Bob Harlan however, have been willing to overlook the evidence of Thompson's assholery due to some good (not great) draft results.  But as it turns out, apparently Ted Thompsen really is an arrogant fuck prone to making mistakes borne out of his own hubris and self-delusional view of his own brilliance.  One source who is an advisor to the Packers board, we'll call him Bud to protect his identity, said that Thompson reminded him of former Brewers GM Dean Taylor, "yeah, Ted is a good scout, and he knows to draft a lot of guys so a few extra turn out, but he has no idea how to get over the hump." 

Real Wisconsin News has learned from Scott Favre, Favre's agent Bus Cook and Favre's personal reporter Al Jones that Favre's decision to retire stemmed primarily from his frustration with Ted Thompson not spending to add a few key players in an effort to win a Superbowl in 2007 or 2008, notably Randy Moss, as well as Ted's refusal to even take one swing from Favre's jock.  According to Favre, Thompson had intimated that he would attempt to make a Superbowl run with Favre at quarterback similar to what was done in Denver near the end of John Elway's career, but has not followed through with acquiring a few players to make that run, infuriating Favre.  Beav speculates this was all a part of Thompson's plan to be rid of Favre in favor of superstar draft pick Aaron John Kitna Rodgers.

Many believe that Ted Thompson's good drafts have gotten the Green Bay Packers close to being a great team.  However, good teams generally don't win Championships without a superstar or two leading them.  Without Favre, the Packers were likely 3 or 4 games worse each of the past two seasons.  So, with NFL Scouts saying the Packers lack great players, though they do have a lot of good ones, how good are they really going to be in 2008 without Favre.  According to one of Beav's best Las Vegas sources, "bet against the Pack boys, they'll be favored to win because of last year, but they ain't gonna cover often and are gonna lose a lot outright." 

Ironically, the last team Thompson worked for never won a Superbowl and only got there once, largely because they never had a great quarterback, somebody like say Brett Favre.  In fact, when the Seahawks had an opening for GM, they did not give the job to Thompson despite his work there on the Seahawks drafts in previous years.  So, now without a great quarterback, all apologies to the thrice injured Aaron Rogers, the Packers can continue their quest to be the Seattle Seahawks.  Thompson's only hope for avoiding the award is for the Packers to win the Superbowl in 2008 or 2009; which probably only happens if Brett Favre can be convinced to overlook Thompson's assholedouchebaggery and come back to the team.

Wednesday, July 25, 2007 8928
Michael Redd, recently in the news because of his assessment that he should have been chosen as an NBA All-Star, also believes that the Bucks should be in the playoff hunt. Michael is hoping that with pressure from himself, his teammates, and people from Milwaukee, the NBA will take notice that a team such as the Bucks should not be passed over when it comes to playing in the playoffs at the end of the season. “I worked hard over this past summer, as did many of my teammates, and I just think that sometimes a person’s hard work needs to be recognized by others. And that’s why I should be an All-Star, and the Bucks should be in the playoffs.”
Thursday, December 20, 2018 10187
The city of West Allis, after years of trying really hard, has decided to give up. The city has been ridiculed by others for some time, and though giving up never seemed to be an option before, it recently read an article about why people give up that made all the difference. "I was just searching the internet at the West Allis Public library when I found this article about why people give up," West Allis said in a recent interview. "I identified with those same concerns, but I just didn't see a way to avoid surrendering, so I did." Here's the list of reasons people give up and why West Allis has decided to join the throngs of humans who have done the same: 1. They want the outcome more than they want to obtain a skill. People want to get a better job without knowing how to do that job. It's easy if you have a rich uncle who owns a family business, but West Allis's richest uncle (Milwaukee) can barely keep things together. West Allis wants to be seen as a place for young couples to raise their families, but the small homes and weird neighbors are not welcoming to young professionals. "I tried building some nice, new apartments, but Milwaukee and Wauwatosa were doing the same thing, and that's where people want to be," claims West Allis. 2. They care too much about what people think (and fear judgment in failure). West Allis gets ridiculed by the big city next to it and other suburbs alike. "You think it doesn't hurt when you say 'Dirty Stallis' or chant 'Westallions!' while your team pummels our high school team, but it does hurt. Words hurt, Brookfield," says West Allis. Back when West Allis could still win at high school sports and had industries that were not shuddered, the residents could point to the scoreboard or laugh on their walk to work, but years of judgment for perceived failure has turned into more years of judgment for actual failure. "I keep the roads plowed and the streets relatively safe, but people still think there's something wrong here," said the city. 3. They mistake failure for lessons learned. West Allis claims that it has learned lessons over the years, like when the school system basically went bankrupt. The problem is that the lesson, even if it was learned, doesn't get enrollment up, and there's still no money. "People don't want to send their kids to our schools, then the schools blow through money faster than a North Shore patron at Heartbreakers, so now there's no money and no kids, so there's no lesson," says the inner-ring suburb. "That's failure, right?" 4. They would rather throw in the towel than pivot. West Allis claims it has tried to pivot before, like turning the former Allis-Chalmers plant into a high-end shopping center and business park. "We couldn't help that Kmart, Dollar Tree, and Burlington didn't bring in the fancy shoppers from out of the area," argues the city. "We even call it the 'Towne Center' to make it seem fancier. The next step would be to call it the Towne Centre, but whatever. I'm done pivoting." 5. They do not have the discipline to stick with their idea long enough to see it live. West Allis says it has stuck to the idea of an affordable community minutes from nicer communities for years. "The problem is that people still want to move on up to The Falls or West Bend or Muskego," says the towne. "Those people who move out there have nicer homes and schools, and lower taxes, and nicer air quality, and fewer problems with their neighbors, but..., aw forget it!" 6. They get distracted by what someone else is doing. "Hell, yeah, I get distracted by all the nice amenities going in around the area while I'm stuck with Hobo and an old-ass Menards store being my main draw to residents from other areas," admits Stallis. People come here to buy used cars from stereotypical used car salesmen, and then they get those cars serviced by one of my many auto shops, and then they stop to get a drink at one of my many bars, and then they go home." 7. They don't believe in themselves enough. "You know what, I used to believe. This was a city founded on the belief that every factory worker could live in his own home with nice built-ins and even stained-glass windows on a 45 x 120 lot, near parks and schools. It's the people who don't believe in that model anymore. They want half-acre lots and houses with usable basements and no glass on the sidewalks. If that's what it's come to, I don't want to believe!" West Allis has said it will continue to be a city until a suitable replacement is named. It plans to become a senior-living community in Florida when that occurs.

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