An incomplete list and incoherent archive of the happenings in the race to finally replace George W. Bush.

Hillary Clinton suggests that Barack Obama be his boy and take the number 2 seat until he's all grown up.

Mike Huckabee drops out of race and considers position with "Evangelical Scamming Enterprises, LTD."

John McCain considers teammates from Keating Five for Vice President.

Hillary Clinton wins popular in Texas, Ohio and Rhode Island, suggesting Barack Obama isn't that popular with grown ups.

God suggests Mike Huckabee drop out of race and stop telling people they talk.

Mitt Romney dropped out of the Republican race with an impassioned speech that appealed to both self-absorbed rich guys and conservatives who don't know why they are conservative.

Super Tuesday not as climatic as Super Sunday, but Strahan gets much deserved MVP.

Obama not acting black at all according to several white commentators.

John Edwards parts hair, leads his people to fifth consecutive humbling defeat, quits bid for messiah.

Fred Thompsen dropped out of the Presidential race, seems more upbeat.

Hillary Clinton changes stance on barefoot, cookie making motherhood Milfdom, considers Salma Hayek as running mate.

Various inner-city self appointed angry black men leaders very upset that Obama is acting like he's "all that."

South Carolinians put black mark on primary with 71% of African Americans not voting for Hillary Clinton despite Bill and Hillary's finger waiving.

Mitt Romney swears he's not bought and paid for by rich right wing Republican elites, says his butler.

Mike Huckabee claims moral victories as happily as moral majority nods of approval.

Neo-Cons to IPO: Seek capital to buy Presidential Election again, considering Cheney/Rumsfeld ticket.

John McCain gains McGruff the Crime Dog's endorsement.

Tuesday, July 17, 2007 18786
Milwaukee Public Schools will begin its scaling down of actual education in its schools in order to better reproduce the criminal justice system its students are preparing themselves for. The latest budget has job losses in all areas except for social workers, psychologists, safety assistants, and nurses. Teachers will be teaching more students for more hours with less help, but the plan is for the psychologists and social workers to convince students to behave better. If that doesn’t work, of course, the safety assistants are specially trained to subdue students without the use of plastic handcuffs, pepper spray, or knowledge of martial arts by saying things like, “Don’t you make me get up out this desk!” If the safety assistants are useless, the nurses can offer ice packs for black eyes.
Sunday, October 16, 2016 17868
While at a hotel in Philadelphia several weeks ago, I was surprised by Hillary Clinton. She was not the robot I’d come to expect.. As I rode the elevator next to her, I couldn’t help but glance her way. Though she seemed weak from her apparent pneumonia and her face was more weathered than I’d remembered, there was a twinkle in her eyes as she said hello to me. Floor after floor, her perfume wafting towards me, I felt as if she was trying to say something to me, a die-hard Republican. She coughed flirtatiously several times. Just as the elevator stopped on my floor, I thought I saw her checking me out as I held my Wall Street Journal near my loins. Something had caught her eye, and I figured it was my $4000 suit, tailored to fit me perfectly...everywhere. And then, just as we were about to part forever, she said it: “I wish I could convince people I really want to help them.” She didn’t tell me my suit would look good on the floor next to her bed or that I reminded her of a movie star like oh-so-many women do. Instead, she was responding to an op-ed in my newspaper. And her words touched me inappropriately. She is a Clinton who coined the failed vast right wing conspiracy; now part of the vast left wing conspiracy. Could she really care about people? Even if it was a ruse, could she really care about what I think in order to pretend just for me? I wanted her to stop. I could not bring myself to say no, but she could tell I was uncomfortable. “Make sure you vote,” she said, knowing full-well that she had grabbed me just a bit too roughly. Me, retracing each line on her face as I exited to the hallway, feeling dirty for hearing her and believing her. Could this woman who I have compared to the devil in multiple Tweets really care about me? Or was I just a prop, used to fulfill some kind of sick fantasy? I know she won’t return my calls, so I don’t bother, but I also will never be the same again. No amount of time will be able to heal my wounds. However, my new BMW Alpina B7 will help me to move on.

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