Boy, howdy, I wish I had a few more friends in my life. What with the wife and kids, I don’t get a whole heck of a lot of me time. Well, I am allowed to watch educational programming once in a while (my wife frowns on sports), and I saw this show about different separatist groups, and I was sorta thinking to myself, “Would one of these separatist movements work for me?”

Some of the groups are like super-religious, and I’m not, so the Christian Exodus group, recently relocating to South Carolina and planning to secede from the Union, may not be for me. They want to form their own Christian Republic. But South Carolina gets really hot in the summer, and I’m not sure goin to meetins would be much fun after a spell. I guess I’m kinda surprised a Christian group would get all upset now and want to secede, anyhow, what with President Bush in charge, because he’s all Christian and stuff. And what if these Christian Conservatives don’t like me? Don’t they make you give testimonies about how you did drugs and slept with everyone and now you’re better? I never did any of that stuff, so I don’t think I’d fit in.

So I checked out some of the white separatist groups, since I’m white and all that. The White Citizens Council looked promising because they have chapters in Florida, Georgia, Alabama, Louisiana, Tennessee, South Carolina, North Carolina, Virginia, Pennsylvania, Michigan, Indiana, Illinois, and New York.  I live pretty close to Illinois and Michigan. They have about 15,000 members and just want to protect the "European-American" heritage from those of other ethnicities.My family was from Europe once upon a time, and if other ethnicities are trying to take that from me, I guess I might be willing to do something to minimize that. You know, I’ve been to Irish Fest once, even though I’m not even Irish, but my wife is, so I guess that sorta counts. But I wasn’t sure about the whole segregation thing. They don’t seem to want to hang out with certain people, and that seems kinda weird. I wonder if they’d want to hang out with all the Christians who are moving to South Carolina.

I also found out about the Basque separatist group who live somewhere in Europe. They don’t want to be part of France or Spain or something, which seems kind of funny because the White Citizens Council wants to be part of Europe, but the Basques want to be part of something else, but I’m not really sure what that is because they write everything in some foreign language.

I guess there are some separatist groups in Montana and Utah and places like that where old men get a bunch of young women to have a lot of babies and tend their sheep and stuff, and that might be fun for a little while. I don’t think my wife would be too enthusiastic about the whole thing, but I guess they try to brainwash the womenfolk. It would be kinda nice to have her agree to everything I say and wash my clothes on the washboard, but I’ve always been told people don’t like to take the garbage out and do their chores in those compounds, and that would cause all kinds of tension. And I don’t know if I’d feel right not paying my taxes.

Nope, I guess I’ll have to wait for the right separatist movement to come along, because the ones that are out there now seem really hard to get enthusiastic about. I guess we could always home-school our kids, even though most the people I know that have done that seem a bit odd. Maybe I should just join a bowling league or play online poker or the Warcraft thing.

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Jacksonville News

New Jax Witty

Articles, reviews, advice, and legitimate research to go along with some back-handed comments. Think of us as Jacksonville's mother-in-law.
  • 1986 Bertone (Fiat) X 1/9 in Jacksonville

    I've been asked by a reader to add some photos of my X. I don't think she'd mind. 

    I've seen a few people snap photos of her as I drive around, but I've kind of neglected to take many of my own. Her permanent, legal home is in Wisconsin, where most of the photos were taken. 
  • Section 8 Housing In Jax and St. Johns


    I first heard of Section 8 housing when I saw a news story about St. Johns County. That story said St. Johns had some kind of law against Section 8 housing, which resulted in fewer options to house the homeless contingent in St. Augustine. I never looked up Section 8 at the time, though I did wonder how St. Johns could ban Section 8 while Duval can't. I'm still not all that sure about how or why, but I do know most of us don't want Section 8 in our back yards. In fact, I just discussed something similar to Section 8 with my kids, as we drove past the Dunes Apartments next to Ed Austin Park. I said the apartments looked so bad that it might make sense to pull them down and build some smaller single-family homes, which might result in some of the people who no one really wants hanging out in a park being forced to move away. But then one of my kids asked me where they'd go, and that's what makes it complicated. I'd like to say, "St. Johns County," but I can't. And so that means that those of us in Duval who live too close to Section 8 housing will eventually move to where that type of housing can't exist.
  • Jax Local Ad of the Week: Beachside Swimwear and Gifts
    First and foremost, support local businesses. Now, let's look at the ad. 

    At first glance, this week's ad might seem like standard swimwear fare, but (like most ads) there are some strange details as you look closer. But maybe it's just because the business is trying to sell off those old 2020 swimsuits. Or it's just really difficult to make swimsuit models look natural in a tiny print ad.
  • Jacksonville's Two Civil War Burnings

    At some point, most of us who live in Jacksonville learn about the fire of 1901 that destroyed most of the city. That's why I was surprised to learn of two other fires in the city's past, both during the Civil War. Neither fire was as destructive property-wise, but I think the argument could be made that both of these fires were more destructive to relationships between locals that extended to the rest of the country. These fires were burnings rather than an accidental fire like in 1901.
  • Polar Blue Skies?
    What are polar blue skies? 

    I saw the term used on the First Coast News Weather Channel. When I asked Google, she said she didn't know how to help with that, so I just searched the term "polar blue skies" myself on Google. The top results were from old First Coast News posts about the weather. So is it a Jax thing or a local meteorologist thing? Or a real thing that most weather people ignore?
  • Jax Local Ad of the Week: Milano's for Valentine's Day

    Local ads can be fun because they are not always as polished as national ad campaigns. This is the first in a series that will take a look at some local ads from mailer magazines.

    Support local businesses, even if their ads weird you out a little.

    My wife enjoys Milano's, and we have used the restaurant's promotions in the past. And if it wasn't for a pandemic, we might have done the Valentine's Day Special, even with it being presented in this somewhat odd ad.
  • Culver's Arlington Location (UN)Explained


    Evan Clagnaz is a lot like me. He's from Wisconsin. He wants a Culver's in the Arlington area of Jacksonville. He trusts other people. He has a few million dollars to invest in a restaurant. Etc. 

    OK, fine, at 36 I didn't quite have $4+ million to invest. Or at 46. Maybe at 56 (fingers crossed), but by then, all the Culver's restaurants will have been built in Jax, and I'll have missed my chance to own one. Except for maybe one that fails because it’s been built in the wrong location.

  • The Best Gyros in Jacksonville
    I wish this article was about the best gyros in Jacksonville. My family loves us some gyros, having learned about the awesomeness from Milwaukee staples like Oakland Gyros and Golden Gyros. We tried gyros when we lived in Kansas City, but almost every restaurant there mixed beef and lamb (at best) and fell a bit short. In Jacksonville, we've tried a few places, but we have yet to really find the best gyros in Jacksonville, so if your restaurant wants me to find out if you qualify, then contact me. We're good for several visits per year once we find you, but I'd suggest a discount or coupon to entice me from the start.
  • Siteground Officially Not Best Hosting Provider
    Let's say you have an idea to build a website, or maybe you want to build a website farm in order to funnel people to your pyramid or ponzi scheme. It used to be that if you wanted to use Joomla to build the websites involved in your business venture, you'd choose Siteground. It was a level above the other hosts for both services offered and customer service. Plus, it offered special tools dedicated to helping those who preferred Joomla to Wordpress. 
  • Open Season on White People?
    Here's the start of a post from NextDoor that was a little frightening: 

    I just had a man attempt to run me over

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