Really Latter Day SaintsDNA from Tomb in Jerusalem Raided to Clone Messiah

What if God was one of us, and not just an annoying refrain from a Joan Osborne song? What if we could harness the DNA of God, and maybe make our own a little better for the effort? What if we could prove God exists for all the non-believers?

These are the questions being tackled right now by a Canadian DNA lab that has said that it has enough DNA from a tomb and reburial site found in Jerusalem, the subject of a recent documentary, to physically recreate the human once belonging to that DNA. The twist (yes, pun intended) is that the DNA is purported to be that of the Son of God Himself, Jesus Christ.

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Wednesday, July 25, 2007 13069
The Milwaukee Journal Sentinel plans to announce that its entire news staff will be replaced by the community columnists it has been using in its editorial section because of the popularity of the concept. A press release indicated that readership numbers have increased since the pilot program of using real Milwaukee-area writers began. These writers use little or no research and have no ethical responsibility for what they write, but the readers have seen the articles as more interesting than the normal news.
Sunday, July 22, 2007 9441
The Cobeus tribe of South America, living deep in the Amazon and feeding occasionally on their enemies, have issued a press release that they are not interesting in devouring baseball great Barry Bonds. This may seem shocking because Bonds has a lot of muscle, which is more nutritious that fat. However, the Cobeus people do not want their meals tainted with steroids and avoid human flesh that has been tainted in any way. In a Real Wisconsin News exclusive, we have discovered that the tribe keeps a bulletin board with photos of people who are allowed safe passage through their domain. Keith Richards and Lindsay Lohan are amongst the celebrities posted. While the mammary is said to be the best meat available on a human, Lohan’s recent transgressions have made her off-limits, just like Bonds.

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