Calendar Accurately Reflects Wisconsin’s Communities.

In an effort to continue the popular multicultural tourism calendar, first launched in 2005, yet maintain factual integrity, the Wisconsin Department of Tourism has released a segregated version. This calendar will depict realistic scenes of Real Wisconsin diverse citizens in their natural habitats as opposed to staged or doctored photos to falsely represent integration. The twelve photos used for each month are as follows:

January—African-Americans celebrate Martin Luther King Jr. Day at the Hoopfest basketball tournament in Milwaukee
February—White ice-fishermen sit next to their ice-shack with beers in hand. Pickup truck and “Warning: Thin Ice” sign in background.
March—A group of Jewish UW-Milwaukee students attend classes on good Friday wearing their Kippahs
April— Chippewa spearfishers in boats with lights shining in the water and spears in hand. White protesters line the shore
May—Mexican-Americans celebrate the Cinco de Mayo celebration at the UMOS Center on South Chase Avenue. Colorful dresses, piñatas, and low riders in the parking lot.
June—Barbeque at the Juneteenth Day street festival. African-Americans fill the streets as police officers line the sidewalks.
July—Italian-American family lighting off fireworks and playing Bocce Ball in the backyard
August—White suburban family in their yard. Dad is watering the lawn. Mom is weeding the garden. Junior is kicking a soccer ball.
September—A Jordanian Muslim family sitting around their kitchen table and drinking only water to celebrate the month of Ramadan
October—A group of overweight white men at an Oktoberfest celebration wearing lederhosen, eating brats, and drinking beer. A polka band plays in the background.
November—Three Hmong hunters standing next to a “No Trespassing” sign with five deer
December—African-American churchgoers outside of their church on Christmas Day. Nativity scene with a blond-haired Jesus in background

Friday, February 08, 2008 34172
America is buzzing about the new diet sensation long thought to be only an eating disorder: Pica. The diet allows people to eat anything they want, as long as the food is made up of non-nutritive substances. As an added bonus, the food is inexpensive and commonly found around the house. Dr. Karen Gregory, founder of the diet, claims anyone can lose unwanted pounds by simply ingesting a multitude of substances they cannot digest. Of course, some real food is required, and the Pica Brand, Inc. is selling snack bars to fulfill that particular need. Pica as an actual eating disorder causes people to inexplicably eat such items as soil, chalk, paper, and coal, as well as food ingredients, like flour. “It’s easier than cooking, anyhow,” said one woman, who lost fifty pounds during Phase I of the diet. “I’m a teacher, so whenever I got that hungry feeling, I’d just reach for some chalk. Sometimes I’d even mix things up a bit and eat the colored chalk. It doesn’t taste any different, but I can imagine it’s fruit or candy.” While danger exists for children suffering from Pica who eat lead paint, nails, or other dangerous non-nutritive substances, adults are generally more intelligent, and can choose what they eat with more discretion. “While someone suffering from Pica might decide to eat feces or drink urine, we do not recommend those for this diet,” said Gregory. “And, honestly, the body can handle only so many metal objects, so we tend to recommend items that are not completely socially unacceptable or dangerous. Wood, ice, or hair are better alternatives. These items are all-natural, and will not add an ounce of fat to your body!” Some in the food industry are crying foul over the new diet, saying people will suffer unknown problems as a result. However, a large percentage of the food industry also uses high fructose corn syrup in the food it markets, and that particular ingredient is widely seen as not only non-nutritive, but also as non-satisfying. While a person eating tree bark or shoe leather feels somewhat satisfied after a meal, someone eating (often fat-free) items filled with high fructose corn syrup will never feel full. Gregory said, “People become obese because corn syrup can’t fill them up. No matter how strange it may seem, dirt fills you up.” Unfortunately for the people who use the Pica diet, like most other diets, the menu tastes horrible. Therefore, people will likely wean themselves off of lead-free paint chips and fried starch, and go back to potato chips and fried chicken. Gregory suggests testing to see if an individual is ready for the Pica Diet, so go ahead and eat that TPS report sitting in front of you. if you can keep it down, you may just have found the replacement for that before-lunch candy bar.
Wednesday, November 09, 2016 12334
Donald Trump won America over by telling it like it is, and the fact is that most female heads of state are not beautiful women. Trump has been reluctant to give specifics, but based on past criticism of women, it would make sense that only two female leaders would make the cut in a pageant. Those two would be President Kolinda Grabar-Kitarovic of Croatia and a younger version of President Cristina Fernandez de Kirchner of Argentina. The rest of the female leaders would not tempt President-Elect Trump to kiss them uncontrollably or grab them anywhere without permission. Most female heads of state are simply not Mr. Trump's first choice. However, Trump has expressed interest in negotiations with Princess Kate, Princess Beatrice Borromeo (photo), and Princess Kay of the Milky Way, calling them all solid 8s, maybe 9s. Bill Clinton has confirmed that all female heads of state and princesses over the age of 22 are on his bucket list.

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