Samwell-- a Milwaukee icon, like Harleys and BeerSo my friend helped produce this short film screened at the Milwaukee International Film Festival, and asked me to come and check out the show. I saw a compilation of mostly bad short films. The high school student-written one (Small Talk) was one of the best, probably because someone bothered to write it. Many of the films seemed to be simply videotaping maybe twenty hours of complete crap, and then editing it down to twenty minutes of complete crap (about nothing).

Worst in show was 18/20 Hours, mainly because it really felt like we were watching some UWM student, who really needed therapy sessions instead of film classes, for 18 or 20 hours. Like ten of the minutes were us watching her drive alone in her car, and she was so not sexy.

Admittedly, production quality and acting was not terrible. In fact, acting was fairly good, considering the fact that nobody even paid their actors. But mostly, it was actors just doing things, and even good actors can’t create meaning out of just doing things. That said, I simply cannot get Samwell’s song "What What (In the Butt)" out of my head. The rhymes were simplistic, and the video was cheesier than Dairy Day at a county fair, but here I am still thinking about it. I don’t find men sexy, but something about Samwell dancing was almost alluring. Worse, for most of the video, there are three of him dancing and smiling knowingly at the camera. Now I find myself saying “What what?” when someone says something I don’t understand. Sometimes I  hum the beat while in church. I even sing a few lyrics from time to time—mainly the refrain, since I didn’t even realize any other lyrics existed until after I watched it a few times on Youtube.

Apparently I’m not alone, because when I started playing related videos, I found that many people are intrigued by the song. Feel free to listen and watch, but I’m warning you that if you can’t get the stupid song out of your head, or if you suddenly become gay, please don’t blame me.

 

Wednesday, February 11, 2015 7972
While nobody really knows or cares what either The Magna Carta or The Wisconsin Idea say, both documents mean a lot to people. In fact, a tattered version of the Magna Carta, circa 1200, was found right around the same time Scott Walker was busy rewriting The Wisconsin Idea, and that old piece of English paper will probably sell for millions of dollars (though not as much as the $21 million one sold for in 2007 or 1/14th of the amount being cut from the UW-system for those keeping score). However, besides saying the King is also subject to the laws of the land, do you know what the Magna Carta really says? Yep, that's the right answer. It doesn't really matter, partially because it's not our king and not our land. Additionally, did a large portion of the people in Wisconsin know what The Wisconsin Idea really said and how it was being changed, or why it even mattered? Nope. Do UW-system students learn it like a fight song? Do they learn fight songs? According to THE authoritative Yahoo Answers, The Wisconsin idea, at least partially said this: "The boundaries of the University are the boundaries of the state." It also likely added Progressive mumbo-jumbo from some time in history called The Progressive Era, but that's probably not ringing any bells for you, either. Real Wisconsin News's definition of Progressive is a Socialist who is smart enough to call himself something else, like Obama. Scott Walker, looking to demonstrate his ability to bring both sides of the aisle together, was simply trying to update the beloved document. You know, freshen it up, like how Act 10 and Right to Work freshen up the workplace. Real Wisconsin News has been allowed to see the edits of the wording of The Wisconsin Idea as it was planned to occur over the next four years. While Walker's staff also had newly discovered photos of Bob LaFollette and a Russian call-girl, the main body of work dealt with the nearly meaningless Wisconsin Idea catchphrase--"The boundaries of the University are the boundaries of the state. Basic to every purpose of the system is the search for truth to extend knowledge and its application beyond the boundaries of its campuses." Or something mostly like that. Year one. The plan was to slightly change the wording to better reflect an academic mission for the UW schools: "The boundaries of the University are the boundaries of the state. Basic to every purpose of the system is the readying of students for the workforce beyond the boundaries of the campuses." Year two . The idea in year two was to remind UW-system employees of their place. "The boundaries of the University are the buildings in which the University is housed. Basic to every purpose of the system is the readying of students for the workforce beyond the boundaries of the campuses." Year three. "The University must improve based on a continuous improvement business model. Basic to every purpose of the system is the readying of students for the workforce in the private sector." Year four. "The state will improve the University using metrics based on a continuous improvement business model. The private sector businesses will decide how the readying of students for the workforce shall occur." When asked if his edits were a bit Orwellian, Walker said, "While I have seen parts of Citizen Kane because a high school film teacher made me watch it, I relate much better to Forrest Gump for some reason."
Friday, May 01, 2015 19685
from 2008, lost in the bin Now that the 2008 Presidential Election is at an end, the GOP has released several ideas to help the process in the future, from which President Bush will make an executive order before the end of his term. The changes will include loosening all limits on campaign financing, ending the use of affirmative action to elect officials, and a restructuring of the electorate based on county physical size. Everyone knows that McCain was the co-sponsor of something about campaign finance with Russ “Do I look too liberal in these pants?” Feingold, and that’s why he lost the election. McCain decided to adhere to his own ideals, while Obama went ahead and spent money like a Republican at war, or at a brothel in Taipei. Most analysts believe that Obama bought the election in some key states, and though he may have won the election regardless of spending, he did win the election and did spend more. Therefore, the GOP wants all limits on spending lifted so that the richest 5% of the country (minus Hollywood stars) can once again fully-fund the GOP machine. “We want people who are rich and will get richer under a Republican to wield their wealth like a weapon,” said a senior GOP leader with obvious talent in alliteration. “They didn’t work this hard to get outspent by a few thousand of their employees on Facebook.” The campaign finance portion will also allow for a half of all tithes given to “Christian Coalition” churches to be donated directly to candidates. “God would want it that way,” said Bush of this measure. The often overlooked side-note to the 2008 election was Obama’s use of Affirmative Action to get elected as the nation’s first minority president. Just like many other colleges, the Electoral College has special rules for helping achieve a goal of diversification among the presidents it elects. While the algorithm used is a secret, the general idea is that each vote for Obama was counted as more than the one vote it normally would represent. This is done in order to make up for the under-representation of minorities throughout employment, education, and business. Since the federal government is an equal-opportunity employer and uses quotas to fill its jobs, the presidency was due for a meeting of this quota. The addition of Sarah Palin was meant to offset some of the effect, but a white woman is not worth as much as a black man when it comes to filling quotas. (Had McCain chosen an American Indian woman with a disability, he would have won, given the final vote count.) In addition, Obama will receive free room and board as president, as well as a free meal plan. Obama will also receive extra help in learning how to behave as president, classes President Bush claims he was not offered. Bush added this analysis: “I was left to figure it all out for myself, but the next president will get government assistance, and that’s just not fair.” The final tallies for votes showed that Obama won the popular vote by 7%, while he won more than double the electoral votes. This statistic confounds President Bush, as many statistics tend to do. So when Bush looked at the election map by county, he was even more upset. “The map I saw didn’t even have Alaska, which is big, and McCain won 80% of the counties on the map,” said Bush. “The land in the red counties represents tax-paying individuals and corporations that are not represented at the level at which they own a percentage of the country. I own 1/115,000 th of Texas, and that’s just with my little ranch of 1500 acres. Why should my county count less than, say Houston, just because a lot less people live here? My ranch is big and I pay taxes on every acre. And corporations should count as people, too, because they make decisions for people. If people’s votes were counted based on acres and businesses rather than based on people, then the president would be elected based on American principles of hard work and inheritance rather than dependence on public assistance. And remember, a low voter turnout is an indication of fewer people going to the polls.”

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