Some in Washington are Claiming Colorful, Corrupt Connection.

The Whitehouse has claimed that what Scooter did wasn’t so bad, and that it is right for President Kermit T. Frog to use his Rainbow Connection to Scooter to get the poor guy off the hook. But some observers are claiming that this so-called Rainbow Connection is nothing better than an old-boys club of the powerful political elite, totally clueless as to what normal Americans want.

For example, a recent poll showed that very few Americans favor the war in Iraq, and a very high percentage would also not favor a war with Iran. However, Vice-President Animal, who apparently yelled and screamed a lot when cabinet members argued against the war in Iraq, feels that the war is going just fine, and that all the soldiers need is a little more to do in order to bring morale back up, so Iran is next. Former Secretary of State Rowlf, who did not always agree with the VP, or with former Secretary of Defense Sam the Eagle, has said that invading Iran with the military in its current state and for no particular reason would be just plain silly. “I mean, trench warfare should always be a last-ditch effort,” said the always punny Rowlf.

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Wednesday, September 14, 2016 12070
National, state, and local governments are paying close attention to Samsung's handling of its Note 7 debacle, taking notes on how to handle dissatisfied customers and employees. The consumer electronics giant that developed exploding phones has sent pizza to all of the stores in South Korea that have to take returns of the faulty devices, and it seems to be working. Therefore, government agencies in America are planning on similar freebies in order to smooth over policies. Governor Scott Walker of Wisconsin was the first national figure to use the pizza pill, sending out Little Caesar's pizzas to all teachers and university staff this week. The state educational system has had trouble hiring and keeping competent employees after the unprecedented budget cuts to both K12 and university public education in the state, but Walker hopes that extending the olive branch with one-topping pizzas will force the teachers to realize that the cuts were to their benefit. "How many times did unions provide a nutritious pizza lunch for those who paid dues?" Walker asked. Similarly, the Obama Administration will be providing pizza to employees of the insurance companies that administer Obamacare plans. "This pizza is a reminder that together we can become a healthier nation. Together we can ensure the human right of health insurance is administered to all. Together we can enjoy a meal in every slice." Obama has taken heat for the use of supreme and specialty pizzas from more expensive pizza chains instead of the $5 pizzas offered by Governor Walker. However, Obama stressed that nothing is too good for the people who help Americans fulfill their dreams of healthy living.
Thursday, September 27, 2007 19473
A 20-year-old student was arrested Sept. 19 on charges of theft of textbooks from the union bookstore. He was arrested after he was seen on video taking the books and identified at Panther Book Store where he went to sell them. He got $15 for the books and was arrested. He reportedly admitted the theft, saying he needed money to buy books for his classes. So why didn't he just steal the books for his own class?

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