Actor and Comedian Martin Lawrence has admitted to Real Wisconsin News that he is in fact Serena Williams, and has been playing her for years. He also plays the role of Serena’s father Richard Williams, as well as Oracene “Big Momma Brandy” Price, Serena’s mother. Lawrence says that he meant no harm by entering the women’s tennis arena. In fact, the entire concept was to provide young tennis phenom Venus Williams with an instant family, but the ruse was simply taken too far.

I pay a lot of money to have a luxury suite at Milwaukee Brewers games, or should I say the company that pays me what I’m worth pays a lot for the suite. I say that the rich and famous of Milwaukee deserve to flush whatever they want into the river because we keep the city afloat. I was told that the suites are responsible for the raw sewage being dumped into the river, and that the restrooms may not be available for opening day. That’s simply outrageous! I have some very important Taiwaneese businessmen coming to the game to see Hong-Chih Kuo play and possibly sign a multi-million dollar deal for me, and there is no way they are going to use a port-a-pot so some tree-hugging enviro-nazis can limit the waste in the river.