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Real Wisconsin News, RealWisconsinNews.com and it's affiliated blogs attempt to produce articles that are generally without journalistic merit or factual basis, as this would entail leaving our stools and actually working. Names, places and events are generally fictitious; any resemblance to any private individuals, living or dead, is entirely coincidental.  If such an incident occurs, it really was entirely unintended so please take it in the most flattering way possible. Mentions of public figures, about which we may have heard something about over at Long Wong's Chinese American Sports Bar between karaokes or down at Von Trier's where the Moscow Mules leave us in a strange state of partial lucidity or by us paying attention at some point to their public pronouncements are possibly shots at or about them, but with all due respect and attempts at niceties and most likely are covered by the next sentence. All contents are intended as parody, satire or general silliness and should be construed as such. We publish pretty much whenever we come up with something and are sober enough to type; we strive for every Sunday night however. All typos are the alcohol's fault. Contributors are responsible for the content of their own material in respect to (but not limited to) copyright, libel and defamation.

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Sunday, June 19, 2011 11426
I’ve lived in West Allis since I was born, and though I’m no mechanic or anything, I do appreciate a loud V8 engine. However, when I was watching a race last week, I started wondering how I could rig my Monte Carlo to make fire like the ones on TV. Obviously, I don’t want a rocket on my car—I just want it to send a little fire out the tailpipes when I pass someone on Highway 100. Is that too much to ask? So I went to Autozone and asked someone there if they had a device to make fire come out of my car. The guy told me they don’t sell such a product and that it would probably not be street legal.
Tuesday, July 24, 2007 6750
Be sure to cast your ballots for Prince William in the Cosmo Sexiest Man Alive voting. He is obviously so much hotter than the other princes, and because he's royalty, he doesn't actually get votes on a normal basis like the Kennedys or Brad Pitt, so he'll appreciate your support. Really, is there a better Prince anywhere? Every time I see him in one of my magazines, my knees go weak thinking about him asking me to the prom or something. I know it's just a dream, but if baseball players can dream of hitting homeruns and little girls can dream of unicorns, I can dream about Prince William riding to my house on a white horse to meet my parents before the prom.

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