In an effort to reclaim their good name, members of the ancient Vandal tribal group have sued the major news outlets for libel and defamation of character. “Just because our ancestors sacked Rome doesn’t mean we’re uncivilized today,” said Ulteric (no last name given). “And besides,” he continued, “all we did was pillage. It’s not like we spray painted ‘Pink Floyd Rules!’ on their frickin aqueducts.”

Green Bay Packer coach Mike McCarthy has been known to script many of the plays early in games, but for the Super Bowl he was apparently trying out a new method of drawing up play ideas. Either that, or he forgot to put the cap back on his red marker, which is a total rookie Super Bowl coach move. Who cares, anyhow, because the Packers are the Superbowl Champs, and someone washed it off for him by the second half.