While other auto manufacturers waiver in their support of the war in Iraq, Jeep maintains its support with its 2008 lineup of vehicles. Jeep’s homepage depicts all of its vehicles in a Middle-Eastern desert setting, along with a shovel and pail. The caption reads, “Have fun out there.” Other automobile web pages focus on American roads and fuel efficiency, whereas the Jeep site infers that we should go out there and commandeer our own oil.

The lineup of vehicles also includes some of America’s most supportive names in the war effort, led by the Jeep Liberty. The Liberty ambles along at 15MPG in the city, but gets a big 21MPG in the sand dunes of Iraq. Available colors include Inferno Red, Stone White, and Modern Blue.

The Jeep Patriot, available in Steel Blue for Americans and Surf Blue for hippies, may get better gas mileage, but mainly reminds Americans of their patriotic duty to be patriotic and support the war.

The Jeep Commander reminds Americans of their Commander in Chief and all of his robust qualities. Its 5.7 liter Hemi in 4x4 models gets an impressive 13MPG city and 17MPG highway, which means many of the commander’s friends will be happy to dig up and refine enough oil for you to drive it.

Grandaddy of all Jeep fuel reliance on Middle East oil is the Grand Cherokee. Its name is reminiscent of an oft-idealized time in American history, when the Cherokee tribe was relocated to the pristine lands west of the Mississippi. The SRT Hemi will get a modern Indian traveling across America 11MPG city and 14MPG on the freeway.

Set for renaming are the Compass and Wrangler. Sources close to Jeep indicate the Compass will soon be named the Benchmark, while the Wrangler will become Guantanamo, with a larger version called Guantanamo Enhanced, paying homage to the “enhanced” interrogation techniques used at the prison.

Limited edition Jeeps will also have an option of a gold-encrusted W ‘04 badge on the back.

Sunday, October 30, 2016 9243
All Other Nominees to Call Their Lawyers Kewaunda “Ke-Ke” Watson of Germantown has Won the Society of Unified Entities’ Race Card Playa of the Decade Award for her “consistent and successful use of the race card in reaching her own personal goals.” Every ten years, thousands of African Americans, mostly women, nominate themselves for the awards based on past accomplishments. Watson joins an elite list of past winners, including Oprah Winfrey, who won after she started getting white, suburban moms to say, “You go girl!” However, the award is not meant only to reward those who have achieved celebrity status. In fact, most Race Card Playa Nominees are known only to their co-workers and various local lawmakers. In essence, this is a lifetime achievement award, since evidence has no statute of limitations and no means by which it can be verified. In fact, tall tales of personal conquests lend themsleves well to the spirit of the award. A review of the nomination sent to the committee by Watson reveals the following: Watson grew up in Menomonee Falls yet claims to be originally from Milwaukee in order to demonstrate her own ability to come a long way. She attended MFHS and “acted bad” in the hallways. If confronted by teachers, she claimed they were being racist. She applied to and received several college scholarships earmarked for African Americans, most of which were created to help those with financial need. She established this status by claiming she lived with her maternal grandmother on Milwaukee’s North Side. In college, she once filibustered during a class discussion in English 321 about The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn, claiming it was racist and that the professor was racist for using the book. She also said she would not read the book, said she would take it up with the administration if she was forced to read the book or if she was graded lower because she was singled out by the professor, who in turn gave her an A. In college, she would meet with professors after receiving low grades in order to explain why her poor study skills were a result of misbehaving students and teachers who didn’t give a shit from back in high school. In college, while working towards her social work degree, she only showed up for class group work meetings sporadically and told the white members of her group that they’d better write the paper if they wanted a good grade. When she was once placed in a group with two other African Americans, they told her she was lazy and gave them a bad name, so she went to the Dean and said the professor was racist for putting all the black students in one group, after which time she was placed in a new group. At her internship, she went to the board of directors, claiming her supervisor was racist when he cited her numerous times for showing up late and leaving early. She also claimed the job was set up as to discriminate against anyone who had to use public transportation (which she did not use). At her first job at a nursing home, working third shift, she claimed all the old white people said nasty things to her at night when no one else was around, and she was granted a first shift position. At her wedding, she called the DJ service to claim the DJ was racist because he was a white guy who yelled, “Damn, Baby-Girl!” when a bridesmaid fought for and won the bouquet; received a discount. At the birth of her child, she used “some white girl’s” phone number on documents. When the bills went unpaid, the owner of the phone number received dozens of phone calls from bill collectors. While this is not exactly playing the race card and was detrimental to her own credit, it was seen as a devious use of the system for potential personal gain by the selection committee. When running a daycare out of her grandmother’s house, she received state money for working mothers, whether or not the children showed up. Ke-Ke made enough money for a new Mercedes and a large down payment on a house in Germantown. Her grandmother was investigated by government officials who could not determine if any fraud had occurred. When putting an offer in on a house in Germantown, she told the realtor that she heard white folks didn’t like to sell to people like her, and that she knew who to contact if she found out the house sold to someone else; she got the house. She was named as the owner of a minority-run small business, even though she had nothing to do with the business. The business won minority-only contracts, and she received extra income for several years. When her daughter was not supposed to get a bus to her local public school because she lived within the two-mile limit, Ke-Ke went to the school board and said that her people fought to win the right to ride the bus and they better not take that right away from her daughter. She was granted a special exception. As the only African American white collar employee at her Waukesha County firm, she asked for and received the added position of Director of Diversity for a 20% raise. She sends out monthly website links to articles on diversity. She talks using Black English Vernacular when she wants get her way by use of intimidation at work. However, she stresses that this can only be done a couple of times per month. “People who talk like they’re from the hood from day one end up back in the hood without a job real quick, but if you talk like a white person and then slap em upside the head with ebonics, it’s like EF Hutton showed up.” She keeps her daughter’s teachers on their best behavior with monthly veiled threats. “I don’t come out and tell them they’re racist and I’m going to sue all the time. I’d rather tell them that saying my daughter is lazy might seem racist or that accidentally bumping into her is the kind of thing that could get a teacher fired.” Watson says that her daughter is on the fast track to success because of her own effective playing of the race card at school. “She knows that liberal white folks are the best targets, and no one is more liberal than teachers. No teacher wants to get reprimanded for being racist, so playing the race card in a public school is an automatic win. That’s my job as a parent: to teach my daughter all I have learned.” The Society of Unified Entities will present Ke-Ke with the gift of a “charged-up” SNAP card worth over $250 and an actual laminated race card.
Tuesday, February 15, 2011 11463
Scott Walker received a mandate from state voters, and that mandate is to create new jobs, so teachers and other people with more advanced degrees than the governor should stop whining and get on with their lives. As an independent consultant, I've known tough times over the past two years, and the people that take my $20,000 a year in property taxes sure as sunshine better learn to deal with less, too. It's for the betterment of society that you sacrifice for others, especially if you happen to be a bleeding-heart liberal to begin with.

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